Sorry for the Leave of Absence :/

So i havent wrote a blog in forever it feels like and that makes me really sad i have so much to say . ( Sorry if this blog isnt very entertaining )

The last few days have been so random. i mean they have been fun but i dont know what i was doing lol . I tend to over think things that shouldnt and react to soon on things that need thought out. i guess it could be a patience issue. I just find myself wondering what people are thinking and how they feel .and i just want to know lol .

So stuff has come up that i feel like maybe needed to come up but i kinda was feeling like it just maybe never would. and it still makes me feel funny. 2009 has been such a year of new feelings for me . im not sure how to act and i wish my lover beth was here to sit with me and talk all night. I love all my friends here so dont take offense but its one of those things that when it comes from beth it just sounds right lol . Anyways . ive been trying to feel so happy for people and be friends and blah blah and someone told me tonight something that may seem so simple but i just didnt see it . they told me that i dont have to be friends with everyone . Simple right ? Well i seem to spend most of my life worring about other people and making sure there happy and forgeting how i really feel. Forgeting what is gonna hurt me in the end. So i wonder can you be happy that something happened and i know im so much happier now and i love where i am right now in my life but yet it still hurts to see it. Its like looking at something that makes you sick to your stomach but yet you keep looking and even if you start to run away you find your self looking back. Why ! can we ever get away ... this may all be confusing unless you know what im talking about lol . I guess im just trying to say im so happy but i just want to get away ( preferably somewhere warm lol )

I also dont know where im going in my life from here . i feel like im in such a stand still . Im 19 and have my career job and work with a ton of wonderful people who i love to death ! Whats next ...??? I need to just live life and love it but i just want more lol .

I wish i could know what would happen if i did something before i did it . I want to say something to someone but dont want to ruin it ... I wish i could be a ninja inside his brain and figure it all out . lol i guess time will see .

Well i think that really covers a lot of it . It also makes me sad that i have not picked up my new moon book in like 3 days. i really need to get to reading that ! Man i have just fell off the face of the earth for a few day . but no worries lol im back !