What a year ... ////

This has been a year for me and i know its not over yet which still scares me slightly. Ive experienced it all this year. I had my heart ripped out stomped on mended healed stabbed again. I have a job that i could never be more happy with. I love the people i work with and would have not made it threw the year with out them :) !! I have taken on great responsibilities and struggle with family. Ive established my place and i know where i want to be. I have made many new friends !! and still love the old ones. I have lost many friends that some seem to be coming back around again. i guess its true when they say time heals. Thinking back ... if you would have asked me a year ago today where i would be in a year. I would be no where near where i am right now and if you would have told me where i would be now a year ago i would have never wanted to be here but now that im here i could never be happier. well maybe i could :).  A friend of mine told me she visited a baby today and i said to her, " Oh to be young and innocent to the world. " and she agreed and my following text i sent back to her was , " But i would never wish to go back and do it again. " and i said this not cause i didnt love life cause i did but there is no promise that my life would get better and i know im strong enought o deal with what i have dealt with and im not sure how much more i could handle. I juggle a lot in my life and im only 19. I hope there is a whole lot more of life for me to live and i cant wait. Im sure there will be more pain.losses.heartache.but im sure there will be joy.laughter. and lots of random silliness.  One thing that i do know is i have grown towards God so much this year. i still am no where near where i should be but im standing up for him more and more every day at work. and i love that everyone knows that i love God there!! I love being a witness for him !!

So as for the holidays coming up they are gonna be different. This will be the first year that i have not had my brother , grandpa or been in a relationship my whole life. I found out the other day my grandma had been crying for a few days cause she missed her parents and  grandpa. and knowing she is hurting kills me. I think its time for some new traditions to start in this house. :) Its all going UP from here. Tears may be shed in this house but only happy ones :) .

So thats pretty much it. Thats whats on the brain. Goals for the rest of the year is. Get everyones presents which i started the shopping list ands its almost finished . work on trust. and Date God !!! :)