So much of me wants to play the game but i dont know if i like the game actually or maybe its the players or maybe its the rules.... /sigh. am i playing wrong ? is there a game at all? or is everyone cheating and for some reason there is a mutual okayness with it ???  

I guess ill just keep playing and see what happens...

its crazy how fast a day can go up and then down. .... i think im stuck in a limbo right now. and its easy to think everything is gonna be fantastic but i just wonder if it really will be .

What a year ... ////

This has been a year for me and i know its not over yet which still scares me slightly. Ive experienced it all this year. I had my heart ripped out stomped on mended healed stabbed again. I have a job that i could never be more happy with. I love the people i work with and would have not made it threw the year with out them :) !! I have taken on great responsibilities and struggle with family. Ive established my place and i know where i want to be. I have made many new friends !! and still love the old ones. I have lost many friends that some seem to be coming back around again. i guess its true when they say time heals. Thinking back ... if you would have asked me a year ago today where i would be in a year. I would be no where near where i am right now and if you would have told me where i would be now a year ago i would have never wanted to be here but now that im here i could never be happier. well maybe i could :).  A friend of mine told me she visited a baby today and i said to her, " Oh to be young and innocent to the world. " and she agreed and my following text i sent back to her was , " But i would never wish to go back and do it again. " and i said this not cause i didnt love life cause i did but there is no promise that my life would get better and i know im strong enought o deal with what i have dealt with and im not sure how much more i could handle. I juggle a lot in my life and im only 19. I hope there is a whole lot more of life for me to live and i cant wait. Im sure there will be more pain.losses.heartache.but im sure there will be joy.laughter. and lots of random silliness.  One thing that i do know is i have grown towards God so much this year. i still am no where near where i should be but im standing up for him more and more every day at work. and i love that everyone knows that i love God there!! I love being a witness for him !!

So as for the holidays coming up they are gonna be different. This will be the first year that i have not had my brother , grandpa or been in a relationship my whole life. I found out the other day my grandma had been crying for a few days cause she missed her parents and  grandpa. and knowing she is hurting kills me. I think its time for some new traditions to start in this house. :) Its all going UP from here. Tears may be shed in this house but only happy ones :) .

So thats pretty much it. Thats whats on the brain. Goals for the rest of the year is. Get everyones presents which i started the shopping list ands its almost finished . work on trust. and Date God !!! :) 

I love this song !!!

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus (x2)

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

My Saviour, you can move the mountains,
You are mighty to save,
You are mighty to save.
Forever, Author of Salvation,
You rose and conquered the grave,
Yes you conquered the grave

<3

All there is to say is i am so happy for the people that God has placed in my life. I have so many amazing friends !!! I seriously could not imagine life without them !!

 So today ... just another day . woke up checked my facebook. got ready for work ( did my hair all cute :) ) then got some gas. got some dunkin donuts. I love dunkachinos. got my pay check talked to my favorite co workers then went to the bank. got some free checks. woot . then worked the day away :) I honestly can say i love my job !! and i love the people i work with. i feel like i have finally reached a really good spot in my work career. and i feel like i do a very amazing job at my job :) !!!

I am so super excited about next year !! I may be going to Florida in january with some of my fabulous friends and then Italy !! I just cant wait.   Its to far away. I have never had the urge to leave columbiana county until now. I want to leave !! if i could transfer i would be gone !! I want to get out of here. i want to meet new people. I feel like my life is at a stand still here and i need to see the world !!

New Favorite !!!

Verse: 1
Every time i turn the conversation to something deeper than the weather i can feel you all but shuttin' down.
And when i need an explanation for the silence you just tell me you don't wanna talk about it now.

Bridge: 1
What you're not saying is coming in loud and clear we're at a crossroads here...

Chorus:
If i'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If i'm not that arrow to the heart of you
If you don't get drunk on my kiss
If you think you can do better than this then i guess we're done
Let's not drag this on
Consider me gone

Verse 2:
With you i've always been wide open like a window or an ocean. there is nothing i've ever tried to hide.
So when you leave me not knowin' where you're goin' i start thinkin' that we're lookin' we're lookin' at goodbye.

Bridge 2:
How about a strong shot of honesty don't you owe that to me...

Chorus:
If i'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If i'm not that arrow to the heart of you
If you don't get drunk on my kiss
If you think you can do better than this then i guess we're done
Let's not drag this on
Consider me gone.

Consider me a memory.
Consider me the past.
Consider me a smile in an old photograph someone who used to make you laugh.

If i'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If i'm not that arrow to the heart of you
Then i guess we're done let's not drag this on.
Consider me gone.
Consider me gone.
Consider me gone.
Just consider me gone.







Consider me Gone - by Reba Mcentire
This song is my new favorite !!

So people always talk about going back and fixing the past or wanting to relive a moment or whatever but i dont want to. I dont want to go back. Im okay with my past all points of it the good the bad the ugly. It has made me who i am today and who i am today i like. I may say some stupid things and i may not always make the best choices but you know what im proud of me! The past is in the past for a reason. Your experiences help you to grow and be who you are today. So even though when your 3 life seems so easy and it is. your biggest concern is being tagged it. I would never want to go back and mess up what i have gone threw cause like i said before it has made me the woman that i am today !

i have nothing to say but im gonna be fine and already am and im moving on and im living life for God !!!

Wow what a day ! and for once i feel so proud of myself. :)
My morning was kinda a wreck but i recovered so well. So heres my day... woke up . well first i slept in till like 10 30. :) love !! then i got dressed... ate some cereal... did the whole morning face routine and left for work. well about 3 mins down the road i looked in the rear view mirror and was like ohh crap i forgot to put make up on. which is a super no for work so i turned on the next road and went home grabbed my make up bag which its now 11 20 and i got back in my car and realized i was on E and i was like dang it . so i ran to wal mart and filled up. now its 11 28 and i have to get to canfield :) well by the time i got to work and grabbed my ticket sheet and clocked in it was 1157 woot ! three mins early. lol well my first client was there and waiting on me but she was cool about it. did her fill and it was probably the best fill ive done in a while and now that i know what i was doing wrong with the LCN's im so on my way to full recovery :)hehehe and then i did a model which got fabulous reviews and then i had some clients and did another model. both looked fab! Im so proud. then the rest of the evening was spent talking about the toga. Im so excited for tom. i have plans to get my hair and make up done and maybe so lashes :)

Then we were talking about guys ... and everyone i work with is so bitter about the guys in there life but a few of us. and i cant help but smile all day when i think about dave cause i know how lucky i am. <3

so now im eating edamame which holly told me that soybeans may be a cause to my acne problem which saddens me cause i love it so much so starting tomorrow im gonna try to go at least 3 months to see if it helps not eating it.

Today was such a confidence boost. I feel so comfortable with who i am and my looks and the fact that i am eating healthier :)

I can only think of one thing that would make today perfect .... :) BeAreMy. I dont know why i thought it would get easier being apart but it doesnt. It totally sucks. some days it just kills me knowing that were are so far apart but i know this is something that will make us so much stronger :) ill love you forever !!

On the go go go

Well today i have no real plans but a day for karen is what i think i need. I think im just gonna chill around and scrapbook or crochet or read.

I cant believe halloween is so close. Crazy !! So i need to do the final touch ups on my toga.

I also need to go grochery shopping and do laundry and clean. lol well so much for a day of nothing. haha

Mom is not feeling well. she says shes dizzy all the time so hopefull that turns out to be something simple that can be fixed and Aunt barb is still sick but she seems to be thinking positivly so thats good.

And i think i think to much about things . which that may just be an over all female problem. but whatever i guess i just need to forget it.

Well thats the update.

When your this in love its all smiles.

I cant help how in love i am with this man ! He makes me the happiest girl in the world !

Positive and well... its just positive

did some more cleaning and it never fails i always seem to find things i thought i threw away and funny things that i forgot about from the past .

Well spent my day off at home all day . Woke up around 12. took a shower facebooked for way longer than anyone should then i made a twitter... idk whatever ill probably never look at it. Then i scrapbooked the whole day. It took me all day long but i finally finished my indiana book !! yay !! one more thing off my table ! Hopefully i wll get the zoo done or all the girly pics. I have so many friends pics. We will see. :) maybe ill just take more pics and get farther behind :)

hmmmmm

Wow so you never know when its gonna hit ya. well today at work i had a gentlemen and he was one of the colorist dads and everyone was like doesnt he smell good. and i was like idk i never smelled him and they were like he has that dad colon. and instantly it hit me i had no clue what that was. And it made me miss my grandpa so much and wished that i still had a dad around that could hug me and be the ruff guy on the outside but know that he has a soft heart. :)

So on my way home from work the water works happened. I started crying and it was the first time since jan that i had tears rolling down my cheeks. There was no stopping it either. I cried the whole way home. I miss my grandpa so much. and i always dreamed that he would walk me down the isle one day. I always hoped he would scare guys that came to the house. My grandpa always was a little quiet sometimes but beth and i always knew how to get on his good side. I know that he is in a better place now but i just wish i would have told him more often how much he meant to me before he passed on.

I LOVE YOU GRANDPA ! ( thank you for being the dad mine never was)

My Precious

So let me give you the background cause you know with me there is always a story. :)

My first summer at camp i bought a WWJD ring and it fit on my thumb ( by the by i like thumb rings cause i have always thought i had very good thumb structure lol :) ) . I wore it for years. every summer at camp. there was maybe a few moments when i took it off for a little but then i always put it back on. then one night working at taco bell ( one more reason to not like taco bell lol ) I was taking the garbage out and i flung the bag and my ring flew off into the dumpster with it. That was a very sad day for me cause i had never had a ring that long that i loved so much.

So now fast foward a year and a half later i bought another thumb ring from lion and the lamb. and it was cooler than the last one. it was the crown of thorns. :) so sweet i loved it. the only problem with it was its hard to massage people at work with it on . so what i was doing was taking it on and off every client . Well today as i was doing a manicure i realized i was not wearing it !!! So in theory i must have left it at a station and someone took it or it fell off somewhere or its in my house. but where its not is on my thumb. So sad. i didnt even have this one for two weeks... :(


I really hope my thumb rings finds its way home! :)

More found words

Life's a Journey
You've heard it before
Sometimes it gets hard
But well make it for sure

I love you today
And tomorrow will be
Another day of pure happiness
Forever you and me !

Found some words

So as the grand cleaning continues i found this poem and wanted to post it so i would not loose it.

I keep smileing
Can you see how i feel
I just want to shout
So you know whats real

I want to be loved
As more than a friend
I'll never look like her
Does that matter in the end

I should be happy
With where im at
I seem to be bored
Im ready. Up to bat


------------------------



If i keep starring
will something change
or as time goes on
will it all be the same

If i blink
or just stop to look at the ground
when i look up
Will something new be around

Time is my friend
and yet not all the same
What do you do
When time plays its games

--------------------

There they are . They may be unfinished but i dont feel that way anymore and its hard to write something you dont feel anymore. but like i said there posted so i dont loose them . :)

Fun fact for the day . No matter how much you want it to . Things do not clean themselves .. :(

Just me talking my thoughts out

Life is so easy to get all caught up in ! ...isnt it ? Some days i feel like i missed out on something. I know we all have different paths and all but some of me wonders if i skipped a part. Did i take a wrong turn or am i on the right path ? I really do love where i am right now dont get me wrong i just wonder what would have happened if i would have made different choices. As i sit here alone i cant help but think about the big plan i had for my life when i was like a freshman in high school and wow has that changed. I wonder if i would have met the same people. Would i be going to the same church ? Would i have met the Love of my life? I guess whose to know right . lol God has a plan for me and i hope that at the end of the day i am making him proud ! I dont know what hit me this weekend but im so ready to dive into Gods word. I want to read and know more! I want to live a life for Christ . I want to be more confident in my faith and be able to talk to people about it. I also would really love to work on the whole praying thing . I just get nervous and feel like my prayers are the generic thanks for the food thanks for the day and keep us safe Amen . And i do mean all that but i just feel like there should be more or someway else to say it. Well ill get back to you on my progress when it comes to talking to God.

I also want to start practicing my flute and piano more. I dont want to loose my flute skills and im not that great so i would like to get super good. and do harder pieces and actually get somewhere on the piano/keyboard what not. Im really hoping for a clarinet for christmas. I put the word in with the mom lol and so i think it made it on the list. hahaha :) It would be so cool if next christmas desi and i could do a duet for church ! and i could play the clarinet. Though im kinda worried that ive already forgotten how to. If so ill have to teach myself again. :)

Well thats pretty much it. i just feel like i need to get more serious about things. My life is so easy that there is no excuse why i am not putting forth the effort to really anything. So its time to get focused !! I am even gonna completly clean my room and the basement !! The goal is thanksgiving ! To have to basement completly spot less !!!!

Right now is one of those times where i feel like i have so much to say but dont know how to say or feel like typing it out so i guess im just gonna go to sleep

Tom is a new beginning of an old thing !

So i need to jump back on the band wagon. I dont do well with diets that cut things out of my meals but am good at just cutting back and ive been slacking so much lately. Maria and i were doing good there for a while working out but this week we kinda have been slacking. Just getting sick of doing the same thing everyday so were waiting on this new dvd to come. And tonight i got on the scale and .... gahhh . lol just no good. so tonight i did some crunches and packed my lunch for tom and sat and packed myself so dinner for my drive to cincy ! My problem is im a nibbler. Ive always been i get bored and then start thinking about food. lol So i need to start changing whats in my fridge. no more junk food more carrots and broccoli and good snack foods !!! Im really gonna try to cut back the fast food ! especially at work These past few weeks have been crazy its been like everyday . yuck . So im venting and telling you all this cause i need someone to hold me to it ! Dont let me eat past my full stage and help me cut back to going out for food ! Im going to cincy this weekend and i feel like it should be good for this lol. Im with dave all the time and i never even think about being hungry ! Im so excited to see him too !!! I cant wait !!! Im almost finished packing. just have to do the last min things :)

I promise One day !!

So i had the most fabulous weekend !!! Drove to cincy ! yes i am a beast and drove the whole way with out stopping !! I also drove home with out stopping and i got home at 4 am ! yea i would love to never do that again . hahaha not so fun . And i have a new rule never get off at an exit unless you can see the golden arches !! i was in the ghetto at 2 am and i really was scared for my life.

Then work today ... lol never a dull moment. 2 client of the day fire alarm goes off and we had to evacuate the building and stand in the parking lot until the fire trucks came even though there was no fire . I guess we would get fined big time if we dont evacuate. lame but its better to be safe than sorry.

French Fries

Okay so the topic of today ... French Fries! I love them !! They are totally on the top 10 lists of foods that i cant give up !! They come so many different ways and all of them are delicious !! and you can dip them in almost anything !!! I love foods that taste good dipped in things !! Ranch Sour Cream Nacho cheese Ketchup Mustard... you get the point however like every good thing even french fries has there down side. 3 min shelf life. French fries do not last very long. I dont like to eat them when they are so hot they burn your tongue but then they get cold so fast you have to like inhale them at the perfect time and i always feel like its ruffly 3 min. of goody good ness and then they just start to go down hill . and nothing is worse( well there are worse things but for dramatic effect please just play along) than re heated fries. YUCK

Another Day

So today i woke up super early for me cause i had a staff meeting ! Okay so the exclamation point maybe just a little to much but whatever. To be honest i dont like sittin threw the 3 hour meetings but everytime we have the meetings i feel so pumped about my job after i leave. I was just starting to get really discouraged with my career. I felt like all i kept hearing is about all the things i was doing wrong and nothing right. I know im an adult and i dont need someone there to tell me im doing a good job all day but its just nice to have some encouragement. Sometimes i feel like any moment could be my last and i dont think they mean for it to feel like that i just dont like screwing up and i want people to be happy and i dont want to be the problem. I also feel dumb when i dont get something. I was always the one that never raised their hand in class to ask questions. I dont like talking in groups or in front of people. Im afraid that im gonna say something wrong or its gonna come out dumb or they are gonna take it not how i mean for it to come out. Though this is something that i am really trying to work on. Anyways back to the meeting. The meeting was started with talking about our drop in economy and how we are doing fabulous ! Our numbers are so high! We are doing great ! And becuase of our numbers we got awards. I got one for Productivity. Which just means i was above the standard for being busy with clients while working. So that was exciting. Then work went well today too. I did forget my brush at home but i found one to borrow and my fill went fabulous. i got it done in an hour ! woot cut down 15 mins. and she was late so a little more than that. Then i was busy all day with pedicures which is where the money is ! I even got a lunch ! It was such a good day. I feel really good about my job. I love working at Casals ! I am getting more involved with my work too. I am doing a bunch of community service stuff too ! It makes me really excited to be making a difference in our community !

So the count down has happened 5 days ! in 32 mins it will be 4 days till i get to drive 5 hours to see the love of my life!

I get asked several times everyday . Hows life ? and you know what no matter what happens i still say fabulous ! Like always . I will never be one of those people that are haters ! I may complain a lot sometimes but im always still loving life ! Ill never be one of those people that enjoy being mad at the world. However i feel like i was almost starting to get there. It is so easy to get mad or slack off . To get sad when life throws you something horrible or sad. But then i always remember first and foremost God is with me but also that i have found someone that loves me and my weird/bad/good/annoying habits . :) SO never will i ever be less than fabulous ! Life may suck sometimes but it will get better. So i guess what im trying to get to is after listening to people all day complain about things that dont really matter. I just want to say Suck it up ! LIFE IS AMAZING !!! so just be happy ! and people need to realize they control their own happiness !!

So this poem is an oldie but i have always liked it and just found it again the other day .

Times turn
People change
Even me
But whos to blame

Moods swing
Feelings flow
Which road will you take
Do you know where to go

Some doors open
But all doors close
So seize the day
Before it goes

Lifes a journey
So trust your heart
Make a difference
And play your part

Start each day
With a smile
Before you know
Its worth your while

Everyday
A new beginning
Never able
To be reliving

Death can be scary
Depends how you look
Is your glass half empty,half full
Take a look

Another day means one more day closer to you !

Just another day in the life of karen... Had to go to work to do a LCN fil which i feel like went very well. im feeling a lot better about them !! and then went shopping bought a new pair of chucks !! cant wait to wear them to cincy !! then went and had my car looked at . There are some things wrong but the mechanic says that im good to go to cincy ! nothing needs to be fixed right now!! Then i went to wal mart with desi got some stuff. I got a new book ! woot . i keep seing this series the first one is called marked. by P.C. Cast + Kristin Cast . Im super excited to start reading them !! I will probably read a chapter tonight and fall asleep :) lol the norm.

Besides that im just looking foward to my evening talk with the love of my life :)

rEdiculous!!!

So after all this time of aaron telling my im risque all the time . Myspace told me it too. It said that someone reported one of my pics and it had to be taken off but it didnt tell me what one and then my profile pic was changed. Like for real have i been hacked ?? ANd why does my mouse move on its own. i dont get it . But if someone is doing something to be funny im just saying im not finding it humorous and i think your super rEdiculous ! thats right ridiculous with an E !!!

LOVE !! God Dave Friends and Good times !!!

So its monday and im home and cleaned from the lot ! It was so much fun just like normal but it could have been better if a few others were there !! :) maybe next year !!!! I think my favorite part of the weekend was church on sunday morning !!! I think i forgot what it felt like to forget the rest of the world and just focus on GOD ! There was nothing there to distract me. It was me and God !! I loved it !!! I wish and hope that every sunday will feel this way again !!! Im done with the past. ive moved on . its over . im so happy with my new start !! And God is my focus!!!! This weekend was good for me !!! It was everything i needed !!! Its crazy how just talking with some old friends are the perfect fix. the last piece to the puzzle per say . :) Im looking foward to whats next in life !! There are so many trips in plan . So many places to see and nothing holding me back now !! well maybe a little bit of money but who cares. im on my way to see the world !! with the love of my life !!!! Ive never been this happy !! I cant wait to see you again !!! Cincy here i come !!!

So the count down is offiacal now . 37 days till i get to see dave again !!! i cant wait !!

BeAreMy ! :)

Pretty much this past week has been the best week of my life! It was so fun to hang out with the man and friends !! Im super sad that wednesday is coming so soon but so excited to see what the future has in store for us ! And im also kinda excited to see my brother and his new gf and then the lot is this weekend. im kinda happy that someother stuff is going on when i know im gonna feel really sad. i just hope im not a party pooper. :(

It doesnt get much better than this !

Well work was okay today . then came home showered and at some chipotle. all my clients were talking about guacamole the other day and i just had to get me some. :) Then played some magic and im probably gonna read and call it an early night. Catch up on some sleep ! besides that im just loving life !!

hmmmm pondering on where im going and sad about where i came from

I feel like this week has been going so good. Its been so much fun just hanging out with friends. And yet i still find myself worrying that something bad is gonna happen. This is to good to be true. And what is worse than just feeling like something bad is gonna happen i feel like it may be my fault that something bad happens

100 th blog !

So when pondering on what to make my 100th blog i decided to share my finally finished song lyrics. And after reading i want to know what you think. The good the bad the ugly tell me what you think !

I want to know what your thinking
I want to see into your eyes
Can you tell me what im thinking
Even when i dont say a thing
And when i look at you its just so easy to be me

And ohh I smile at you stupid jokes
Laugh until you make me cry
I love to look into your eyes
But....

Im scared to say hi to many times
Some words still haunt me from other tries
Is it me with the problem
Or should i just not feel this way inside
Cause i seem to feel is that im just the second prize

And ohh I smile at you stupid jokes
Laugh until you make me cry
I love to look into your eyes
But....

These lines make me feel weak inside
I just want to be with you tonight
Do u want to be with me
Or should we just be friends again tonight

And ohh I smile at you stupid jokes
Laugh until you make me cry
The way you look into my eyes
It makes me bubble up inside
Will you be with me tonight

Today was fabulous ! I had a lot of laughs with some friends and ended the evening with a movie !

Though on my drive home i got to thinking . which i know could be a good or bad thing but whatever .... So what do you do if the thing you want is the same thing that may bring on your worst nightmare?

Laugh Love Dream Faith

So today i woke up a little earlier than normal set up my hammock and went for a run with debbie. Im so shocked by how easy it was for me. It wasnt really that hard. now i know that i only did like the day one thing but still i felt like it was going to be a lot harder than that just because im not a runner. And honestly im not sure if ill really have a set running schedule just because i dont think that i would truly enjoy running by myself. however i am gonna try to wake up and do pilates. Im debating 4 or 5 times a week...?? well see. Though i really did like the run and i feel great ! and now that im showered i feel great and clean !

I hope the rain holds off for the day cause after im done blogging and putting pictures up im gonna go read in my hammock !! Im so excited !!

So i went to kennywood on tuesday and had so much fun ! I rode all the rides ! Coasters included !! That was such a big accomplishment for me. I have always been so petrifyed of heights and the climb that i hated them but not anymore. It was fabulous !!! and i know that cedar point is like so serious coasters so im not sure how i feel about them but ill probably give them a shot!!


What a year !! 2009 ....
At first this year started out horrible. I felt like it was the end of the world but what felt like the end of the world brought me closer to God and to new friends. Its hard to see the bigger picture but now that ive taken a step back the picture is fabulous !! So much has changed in my life. My likes my dislikes my goals my physical appearnce . I have done so much more this year too. Im so happy with my life and even though my family isnt as close as i wish we were i feel like thats all gonna change soon. I want to start spending more time with my mom and maybe even taking her to ikea or something. lol well see.
though i am really sad to see this summer coming to an end. Friends that i have gotten so close to are gonna be going back to school and even though well still keep in contact by phone there will be no hang out time. :( And desi is moving out.

mmhhmmm

So today i started out pretty good. A little less sleep than normal but thats okay. The facial felt amazing. kinda weird at first that everyone was staring at me for like an hour but i kinda fell asleep so it was cool. And now im gonna be a model for two more girls from canfield and then kathy gave me the facialist yell about how i have to come in every 4 - 6 weeks for a facial. So after all the model things ill probably start that. :)

So the down side to my day . when i stuck my review mirror on i smeared glue down my windshield. Im hoping that will come off eventually and for an added bonus i locked my keys in my car. Woot ! Though a big thank you goes out to the lockers ! they saved the day .

Then ended the day with some magic at the reeds. Always a good time !

So excited my room is making some serious progress !! I need to drill a few things which means i get to use a power tool ! and then it should be complete. Though now i have these sweet letters that spell my name and a dog made from wood that i need to find a place for . :) Thanks Dave

well tomorrow is kennywood so i should be calling it a night though i need to try to read another chapter of breaking dawn so i dont fall behind. ahhhhh .

NIGHT !

Smile :)

I cant wait to go to the drive in tonight ! though i wish some more people could come but whatever it will still be fun :) ( if i dont fall asleep).

The foot is getting better ! its totally walkable now. its kinda sore every once and a while depending on how i walk on it but way more reasonable than when it first happened.

So excited that the weekend is here too !! i love sat nights and sundays there so fun !! However i am looking foward to monday morning cause im getting a free facial ! Woot . im gonna be a model for a class that is about a facial that will be so great for my skin . I cant wait !

I married a lot of socks tonight !

So i finally got around to tackling the mystery bag of sock i have. I always seem to have a wal mart bag full of sock that dont have a match. Where do they go . seriosuly both socks go from my feet to the hamper to the washer to the dryer to ....??? who knows where . One always seems to go on vacation for a while. So anyways i finally went threw them all and who would of guessed that half of them were all in that bag. hahaha So this brings me to a question . Do you marry your socks ?? lol when you put them away are you the kind of person that just puts the socks on top of each other and puts them in the drawer or do you marry( fold the one inside of the other) them ??

* Sigh :)

So excited my pictures i ordered came in the mail which means i need to get to work on my scrapbooking ! and my ceiling . i have so many new pictures that i want to add !!!

So my foot is getting better . i think .... lol it is kinda swollen from walking / limping on it all day. Which today at work sucked money making wise. My clients kept canceling left and right which i mean may have been for the better cause i wasnt on my feet as much but it was kinda annoying. But whatever i guess youll have those days.

:) Life. I just cant help but smile! :)

Hippo *

I love ikea. Its such a fun store. and i cant wait till one day to have my own house and decorate it !! lol right now my room is just so overwhelmed i have so many decorations that dont all match in one room hahahaha. Well my ikea purchases were a new desk and mirror. 2 more dog buts and a hippo lol . beth also bought me 2 sweet basket/crate things that are super cool!

I also just purchased a hammock ! 3+ person with a weight limit of like 750 ! no stand yet just becuase there super expensive so for right now its gonna go between two trees. and yes i did buy the tree hooks . lol and then in the winter its gonna go in the basement !! woot . hammock year round!

So sadly i may be loosing a room mate :( I really liked having someone here with me to talk to and make late night walmart runs and clean my car with and listen to me talk when im being completely ridiculous about something. Its gonna be hard re adjusting to not having someone here in person for me. Though i guess it had to happen eventually but i was hopeing it wouldnt be this soon. It will be weird not being here for her. I mean i know there is always a phone and really she will not be living that far away but its not the same. The dugeon is gonna feel so empty. No more hugs that make everything better or someone here to know when im having a bad day or hurt. I know that i have friends that would be there for me and new friends that im finding are so easy to talk to about anything and so understanding. I guess there is not much more to say but life is full of suprises so i cant wait to see whats going to happen next... :/ :)

Wow i havent felt like this in a while . I have not shed tears in a while and right now i feel like im on the edge. I just got done having a convo with someone who means the world to me and i finally feel like they are happy. I finally heard the tone in their voice that i missed. And i really hope that he continues in the choices he is making and sticks up for himself and figures out what he needs ! And it may be dumb but i just want to cry. Tears of happiness and saddness all at the same time. I find myself sitting here alone wondering whats next and yet honestly okay with where i am but ready to take the next step even if that step is a baby one. I wish i had someones shoulder to cry on. I wish i had someone here with me. Right now i dont want to be alone....

Panda Bear *

So after some deep thought which no worries was not that deep i think my next big buy is gonna be a hammock. Now here comes the deep thought. I want it to be sturdy . i dont want to buy a hammock that lasts for the summer and then breaks. I want it to last ! and also i want it to be a two person ( at least ) hammock. I want to be able to chill by myself or with friends. :) also i think depending on the price i want a stand. i think i may buy just the hammock now and then maybe get a stand later depending on how expensive it is. Cause i have two trees i could hang in on but when i move out of my gmas i may need a stand.

Sheep :)

So my clothes are all washed and folded from camp the only thing left is to put them away / hang them up and my room will finally be back to normal !

Today was a great day ! Spent some time with God ! Then went to lunch and spent the whole day hanging out with friends ! It what i like to call it a whole day of laughing ! I cant wait for this week its gonna be so fun ! Im going swimming on tuesday and harry potter then ikea on thursday ! woot !!

Sea Lion :)

So home from camp and showered ! :) the laundry is in the process of being started.

Camp was fun as usually but like usual after a long week im really glad to be home. I could sit here all day and write about all the funny things that happened but im just gonna pick two of my favorties. One was when i did the pamper pole. I felt so dumb cause my legs were shaking so much and i couldnt stop them but that was a huge step for me and it was super fun. i want to do more high ropes stuff and try to concer this heights things. maybe even one day ill like coasters. :) Moment number two would have to be campfires especially the one that we went to main side. It was so awsome. I have to say not the most moving moment in my spiritual walk but a good one to push me back to where i should be focusing ! Though i still find that i struggle knowing what choices are the right choices ?I guess just keep praying about it right .

WEll it looks like im back to laundry and then maybe some breaking dawn !!

Eagle

So today being July 4th we find ourselves celebrating the signing of the declaration of independence day ! Because of this document we are given so much freedom to live, act and choose whatever and however we want . Thank you Founding Fathers.

Whenever i see the colors red white and blue i always think of all the heroes who have died or fought in the wars both present and past for our country! THANKS !! to all of the people involved in the wars you do something that i really feel i could never do.


THANK YOU !

Polar Bear :)

So im slightly saddened that i just cleaned my car and it still looks like crap. I guess aaron is right you cant polish a turd.

Im super pumped about the fireworks tonight. lol you know me i get over excited about everything !! WOOT !

Monkey's

Well packing for camp is almost complete i just have to wait on the laundry to finish and then DONE ! Then tomorrow morning im gonna clean my car with desi ! i love when we make car cleaning a group effort ! :) Its so fun we put both our cars beside each other and talk about all the crap that ends up in our cars because were never home and we find ourselves living out of our cars. Then usually that follows talking about work and how much i love my job and she hates hers but there are always a few funny stories about the bell that she updates me on and then we move onto the boy talk. lol . Im hoping that tomorrow is a really nice day outside cause im gonaa actually clean the outside of my car too !! Then pack all my stuff into my car and be camp ready !

Then im hoping to play some tennis with some friends in the park and maybe go on a picnic. Then maybe some magic or a movie before the fire works ! :)

..................................................................................................................................

So working with a bunch of women all i hear about all day is shopping and guys. lol and most of the time i still find that lots of women really hate men. and its so sad to hear when people say they are getting a divorce or they dont know any happily married couples. :( What a sad life. It is so sad to see all the people in this world getting divorces. It makes me wonder what it will be like in 10 years. I wonder what happened to people falling in love and growing old together. I cant help but love the country love songs that are about people falling in love and growing old together then them chilling in rocking chairs on their front porch together. I think people jump to fast to the divorce option when whatever they are going threw can probably be worked out. Love is a team effort ! Its not easy but i know its so worth it ! So people need to stop being weak and make the effort.
WEll there was my little love vent ( its been bothering me for the last few days) . I guess i cant help it. Like ive always said im such a hopeless romantic. :)


WEll im off to work. Cant wait till 9 ! then im off till next sat ! WOOT !!!!!

Penguins :)

so last night i finished the movie . He's Just not that into You. and it was actually not that bad. the end recovered the whole beginning. :) Just a little movie update !

Turtle :)

Today was such a weird thursday. It didnt really feel like a thursday because i had to work . blah . but i did go shopping this morning and got a lot of good buys but also spent a lot of money . .... Then after work was hanging out at Josh's since he is leaving for canada tomorrow.

i really like the song The Middle by Jimmy Eat World. so good !

I cant believe camp is so soon. Im so excited to spend time down at camp as faculty ! Its gonna be so much fun ! but i really need to get all my stuff together and finish packing.

I really think this summer has been the best summer ever ! Its been so fun and i feel like its just gonna get better !

Well im hopeing to read some more breaking dawn and then bed !

New Tastes !

So my beast is gone ! My uncle took her to go get fixed. Im hoping for the best ! though i have a feeling my brake pads are gonna need replaced and maybe my rotars ?? on the spelling lol and then im sure my shocks and struts are gonna need replaces soon too . and when i say soon i mean like im sure they needed replaced before i bought the car. though that may be like a end of july paycheck prodject. also i may need to buy some new back tires before winter! Gahhhh so much work. and money .

Though on a positive note . i love like 3 more lbs ! Im so excited !!

Tomorrow is the day i have to pack for camp ! i have to get serious and actually do it. i dont have any shorts which is really dumb so i have to go to wal mart or target or something and purchase some like basketball shorts to chill in all week and a flashlight. haha how do i not have a flashlight .??


Also i realized yesterday i dont hate banana's i never liked them as a kid but i had one the other day and there not to shabby. actually kinda good. also a carmel apple sucker thing . rather delicious. So carmel maybe making its way back into my diet . hahaha

Home Safe and Sound

I feel like i have so much to say but i feel like saying nothing so im going to bed !

this blog is really worth nothing . im not even sure why im posting anything .... hmmmm

cross your fingers !

So i today i tried breaking out the guitar. i figured out how to tune it . kinda . lol i know that one of the strings is for sure wrong but im scared to move the things at the top cause i dont want to break a string. Though i have picked a song i want to learn. even though people keep telling me its such a girly song but whatever im a girl ! :)

Now im gonna go check the mail in hopes for some more magic cards !

How do you let go when you cant stop thinking about it ?

So last night was the rock band party . i feel like it went really well. The food was a hit ! which actually makes me really happy because people use to tell me all the time that i was the worst cook ever and that i should just not try and it kinda made me sad cause i feel like as a women i should be able to cook. So tonight were having small group at my house because of an ill John Reed. which means pepperoni rolls again . and sushi cause aaron wants it. though this time im hoping that i can master the sticky rice. lol also i baked a cake ! or well actually its backing right now !!

:)

So got two new movies from netflix. He's just not that into you and Good Luck Chuck. Im not to big on watching movies alone so if anyone wants to watch either of these just send me a buzz !

Also im on chapter 22 of breaking dawn . I really like this book !! Not such a fan on the name of the baby but whatever lol . I have been talking about baby names all day today at work cause one of the girls is pregnant. She narrowed down the names if its a boy to Jack or Carter. I like Carter better. Though everytime i think of a name for a boy i always think Hunter is a good name. Though i may steal Carter if she doesnt use it lol . And then the girls name really was the big debate. She wanted Olivia or Iris. Neither im a huge fan of. Iris sounds like an old women name . lol I want two girls one named Belle ( i secretly wish this was my name though Belle Bell would be really dumb hahaha) and Melody. I tried convincing her today that she should name it Helga. hahahaha

So side note . While i was waiting on one of my clients , who by the way showed up 20 min. late for a pedi and i still had to do her gahhh , i started writing lyrics to a song . I got all the lyrics -well at least 3/4 of them - and a tune but no actual music. i really need to work on that part cause i have written a few songs but always struggle when it comes to giving them actually music. So cross your fingers im really hoping to actually get something done with this one.

Also im pretty excited that i lost 4 pounds doing almost nothing ! :)

WEll im off to spend some quality time with my pillows .

I wana try new things !

For the record i like the Pittsburgh Zoo better than the Cleveland Zoo. Though hopefully i will be visiting the Columbus & Cincinnati Zoo sometime soon.

So story time .

On my way home from the reeds there was a little bit of lightning. I kept seeing the lightning in my review mirror and every time it struck i gazed back at it. Then one time i looked at it and then looked back at the road to find a deer right in front of my car. Talk about a wake up call. Gave myself a heart attack, my stomach dropped, and i was speechless the whole time ( which was probably about 4 sec or less ). I weaved and just barely missed the deer. I was so lucky cause this deer for sure would have ruined my car and that would have made for a bad ending to a good day.

Well im off to read some . Night World Sweet Dreams Dont let the bed bugs bite. ( or snakes :))

Zoo :)

Well im off to the cleveland zoo in about 15 mins. It should be a fun day in the sun but ill have to tell you later wiether it was better than Pittsburgh. Though i had a ton of fun in pittsburgh so the bar is set pretty high.

I wana be the role model that you were for me .

So today i spent the day at camp. I love it there so much ! And today i can honestly say i miss spending every summer there. Camp has been my life. i grew up there. My whole family has always been at elkhorn. So while i was at camp i realized that three of my past youth ministers were all there too. It was so great to see Ed and Josh and Tony !! Today makes me thank God so much for all of the people he has put into my life ! I would never be where i am today if it wasnt for so many people. Today while i was belaying , the famous Dennis Arnold, came over to me and was talking to this little girl and he gave her a high five. instanly i looked at the girl and saw myself. I pictured that was me when i was 8 giving dennis a high five. I love dennis . he is so funny and was such a good friend of my grandpa and everytime i see him i think of my grandpa. Also while on the high ropes coarse dennis came up to me and gave me a huge hug and kissed me on the head and told me he missed me and loved me. It was so great. I really felt like i got a hug from my grandpa one more time !! Every time i see dennis i remind him that he promised me that he would dance with me on my wedding day and everytime he says of course i will.

So then i really didnt want to leave camp. i just wanted to stay and hang out with everyone but i knew that i had to come home. and on my way home i started to thinking about all the people God has placed in my life at just the right time to knock me down when i needed it and pick me up when i felt like there was nothing worth it anymore. Even some of the small things that some people still probably dont realize that helped me along the way. THANKS !

I really hope one day i will be able to help someone like all of the people in my life have helped me !

Just cause i like the song and have decided that deciding things is rather hard

She feels lost in her own life
Treading water just to keep from slipping under
And she wonders if she's where she's supposed to be
Tired of trying to do it right
Her dreams are just to far away to see how steps she's making
Might be taking her to who she'll be

Chorus:
And suddenly it isn't what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly I am where I'm supposed to be
And after all the tears I was supposed to be here


She feels locked in her own life
Scared of what she might lose if she moves away from who she was
And she's afraid of being free
There's a way she knows is right
But she can't feel the things she knows
And so each step she's taking is a step of faith toward who she'll be

Chorus

And here where the night is darkest black
She feels the fear and the light is farthest back
And through her tears she can't see the dawn is coming
Skies will clear and the light will find her where she's always been.

who's excited ??

So i just got done doing pilates with desi and maria and we had the funniest conversation ever! lol It starts like this and im sorry if its not really appropriate but its so funny .

Maria says that her chest hurts her when she runs into stuff. Instantly i respond really when do you ever have that problem . why would you ever just run your chest into something. We all kinda stop and laugh for a little bit then desi responds with umm hello sumo wrestling. HAHAHAHA !!!! okay when i typed this out it doesnt seem so funny but you should have been there it was hysterical !!!

So the kitty deck is here !! who is ready to battle ???

Besides that not much. just working and reading a bunch.

Im going to camp tomorrow just for a half day. Then a soft ball game at 6 30 . then who know what after that. maybe magic and friends at the lockers . ??? the usual lol . though they dont know it yet. haha

AND .... The big event . ROCKBAND PARTY at my house this sat. 7 pm. be there or square !!! . there will be home made peperoni rolls !!

I name thee Carlise

* Got a new bathing suit !
* Ordered my magic Cards !
* Did some pilates! I love to feel the burn.
* Ate some breakfast
* Got a shower
* and named the mouse in the house Carlise. Desi said this isnt a good idea to give it a name cause then we will be sad if we find it dead. :(
* Need to hang up some clothes. Laundry is such a never ending process that i am okay with cause i like doing laundry.
* Working 12 - 9 and then Magic.

I feel like its gonna be a good day !

Mouse in the House

For sure i believe desi now . there really is a mouse in our house and its not mickey. The traps are set and im hoping for the best. lol im gonna leave this up to your imagination but picture me and my grandma having a conversation about how there is a mouse in the basement. hahaha ill give you some clues there was some talk about clothes , trash , traps and ninja's .

Speechless

So many things to say but where to start.

- Well last night my drive way flooded out and i couldn't get home. Thanks again to the Reeds !!

- Worked at camp today. It was fun. Believe it or not i need to work on the whole talking thing. I can not talk in front of groups. Nothing comes out like i want it to and i forget to say stuff. I really need to work on saying what i mean and just saying it.

-I love being at camp. it makes me have time to myself and GOD ! Today while i was waiting on my next group i just sat and sang to God. It felt so wonderful !! I love to just sit out in the middle of no where and just sing to God! I stop thinking about everything else in the world and actually focus.

- I just finished Music & Lyrics . It was such a cute movie. Next on the list to watch is Juno.

On your mark... get set... go !

So the morning has come and is almost gone for me . I woke up around 8 and actually didnt mind getting up ! yay i may have finally come back to a normal schedule again . This morning i caught up on a lot of stuff . I cleaned my new mattress and washed all my bedding ( which this is still in the process cause the washer and dryer can only go so fast ) I put all my clean clothes away which means im running low on hangers . haha . I actually ate breakfast this morning. 2 mini beagles and a big glass of apple juice. I love APPLE JUICE !! I also read some more of breaking dawn this morning. Im on chapter 14. This book makes me all confused who i feel bad for and whoes side i wana be on. I still like edward best. Im starting to feel bad for Jacob cause he seems to be going threw a lot but i still think he has a big ego. I think he needs to get over bella though. He needs to move on and forget it completly. Then there is Leah. I feel bad for her cause of everything she went threw with sam but you know what im starting to feel like she should just get over it too. I mean if she would just get over it then she could move on and live a happy life instead of staying mad about the past and dwelling on it.

Well i work till 9 tonight and then camp tom!! i cant wait. I havent been there in a while and it will be so fun just to spend some of my day there.

Also i need to start my hunt for a new bathing suit ! probably will start the hunt next week ! This is probably the hardest thing to shop for so it will be a long journey but it has to be done. Wish me luck . lol

I got another Woot Shirt !

So today was okay . i had class this morning . green science manicure ! woot .... not lol . It was okay but the products smell funny . anyways then work went really fast. I love being busy in the summer its so great. Then i grabbed some taco bell and headed to the lockers. watched some friends and made a plan of a attack to make a kitty deck ! Im suprisingly really excited i cant wait to get a new deck. Tomorrow im gonna be going threw a bunch of cards and seeing what i can use and not to help make a start. I also am getting a new mattress ! This is actually hopefully really good news cause the mattress i am sleeping on now is so old is rediculous. So a new mattress may help all the back pain. Then im also getting a mani & pedi ! i havent had a real manicure in like 4 or 5 months ! im so excited . It will be nice to relax and get treated and maybe catch up on some breaking dawn though i may not be able to read a lot cause people will be talking to me. then after that im going to go look at a double wide . Crazy ! Im 19 and thinking about buying a house. Where does that even come from. haha Well ill have to update you tomorrow on what i think of it. So far all i know is 4 bedrooms ( 2 master bedrooms and 2 regular bedrooms) 2 baths and a kitchen and living room . It sounds really to good to be true. So tomorrow will be looking at it seeing whats wrong figureing out how much everything is gonna cost and seeing if we can afford it. The way its looking though is that desi and travis will have one master bedroom . and maybe travis's cousin bob will have a regular room. Then ill have the other master bedroom and i just need to figure out who i want to live in the other room ??? well that is even if we get the house . Really we could probably pay for the house with 4 people and i could just have an extra room or a spare bedroom . lol that just means extra closet space. hahaha

Besides that the only other thing i have to say is i offically have a pet peeve. Whenever someone ever asked me this question i usually said i dont know. Nothing ever really stuck out before. But i have figured one out. It bothers me when people use my stuff and dont put it back. When i come home and find i have to clean up someone elses mess from when they were using my things. Also leaving DVD's out of the cases or games. Why cant all the games and DVD's be on a shelf take one out use it put it away. not that hard. Seriously i dont need any help making my room dirty. Also its annoying to find glasses or pop cans or bowls or spoons or plates in my room dirty that i never used. Well i guess im done venting.

Ooooo I almost forgot to mention. I got netflix ! well the first month is free but i will probably keep it after the first month. I picked a bunch of movies that i want to see and then i started up on the smallville series so i can catch up ! Im so excited and then i think im gonna move onto abunch of other series that i never saw. WOOT !

Im gonna let God write my story .

What a crazy weekend !! lol It was a ton of fun but i need so relax time ! hahaha. So many things are going on in my life right now i feel like i cant catch up and im not sure if im doing the right things ... Im okay with making choices about things and am usually okay with change but right now i feel like a lot of the choices are so serious and im scared to make the wrong choice. But then waiting to make choices maybe a mistake in it self. ... gahhh .

Im pretty excited for this week . i feel like its gonna be a really good one !! and i get to go to camp on thursday !! im excited to just get away to EVCSC !! i wish i had a partner in crime to ride with me to camp but i guess you cant have everything .. lol I am also very excited that in 3 weeks i get to spend a whole week at camp !! woot to a little vacation time !! I have never been at camp and not been staff so im really excited. I hope its as amazing as i feel its gonna be !

Well i have class in the morning ... blah . so its about time the contacts came out and i read some breaking dawn and hit the hay. I miss my bed !!! lol it hasnt seen me in a while . hahaha

Dear God ,

After a long weekend im pretty excited that church is today ! I need some time me and GOD !! I have been to caught up in work and my social life that i feel like my social life with God is lacking. The real question is why do i always keep letting myself fall into this trap. How do i get so easily lost. I need to pull it together and focus.

Not a whole lot to talk about ...

So the other day i fell pretty hard and now my left knee is noticeably bigger than the right. lol got to love stupid clumsy moments. So the great part about the whole event is that im going on a hike tom. and im hopeing that my knee will get better tonight or just not bother me while were hiking.

Not much new just pondering on life and hanging out with friends and trying to finish breaking dawn.

pondering ..

So today was a good day . hung out with some friends this morning then work then had a little spa night with desi.

So the thought/ thing that i cant seem to get out of my brain is ... Why do i feel like i keep doing somthing that may ruin something else but its only because of something else that happened that im doing this something . Lol that may or may not make a whole lot of sense but this seems to be my problem as of late . which may not be a problem at all if im just doing that one something .... hmmmm

Ridiculous ... hahaha

So this morning started with me checking my oil before i left for work but to my surprise my oil was completely empty and and my coolant was running low and i had no wind shield wiper fluid ... How do i let so much time pass on my car and not check these things. I know i need to check them but i just get so distracted and lost in my own little world that my car maintenance gets pushed back and back. but now im gonna really try to step up to the plate cause i need to start being more responsible. I totally forgot to pay my cell phone bill that was due june 1st and its now the 5th. Its not a big deal cause its in my grandmas name and she always pays the whole thing and i just pay her but i still need to be responsible and pay her on time cause what am i gonna do when im on my own. My grandma is not always gonna be there to cover my butt. I also realized today that my insurance is due July 1st along with another cell phone bill and i pay my insurance ever 6 months so its gonna be like 400 $. which i have the money in my savings but thats just less money in this fund that is suppose to be going to a new car and italy. hmmmm ..... I really need to crack down. I need to stop spending freely and focus on the needs and not wants.

Work was really good today. I did have a few cancelactions but it was okay cause i had a LUNCH !! well dinner . lol i went to peaburrys and got a salad and sat in my car and listned to the radio and had dinner. It was kinda nice to just sit and chill and not eat fast food. I had a little meeting with one of the managers today at casal's. She called me up to talk about some stuff . blah blah and then we talked about my LCN's and she said that they were looking really good and she wants me on the books for them and because there is only one other girl that does them and im a junior that means im gonna be booked threw this whole year !!! Im so excited and i like doing them. i just need to work on getting my times down. Im so happy. Its such a career move and it will help me get promoted because i will have great return clients and people will be pre booking with me threw the next year ! We also talked about how i dont have complaints and she told me that im doing so good and all my clients love me and she likes my work. It was just so good! It made me feel so good that im getting somewhere. I know its just nails but its what i love and it feels good to know im doing good.

So back to the car thing. I found out my car is not leaking oil. I just think because its so old that its starting to go threw oil faster. i only think this because someone told me that may be the case. So i just need to keep an eye on it.

Also i have been thinking about how ridiculous i have been about not liking my smile. lol It just has seemed to come up like a million times in the last few weeks and the more i say it i just feel stupid and im so over it ! I have a huge smile but who cares. Thats just me ! So the karen face may be taking a vacation for a little bit . hahaha i guess my big smile just goes with my big loud laugh. Some things in life you just cant help or change.

Im just not feeling it

Today was a good day . shopping and just chilling with my friends all day. There were so many random moments that i kept saying i need to blog this . but i totally forget . the only thing i can seem to think about right now is the fact my grandma just told me i need to check my oil cause there is some kind of leak in the garage where my car sits . so yay for me . So the real thing is im not really sure how to check all the stuff in my car and if the oil is leaking what to do and how am i gonna get to work if my car is being dumb and when i got to the reeds tonight i thought it smelled weird but i just ignored it . which is probably not such a great idea . but i know nothing about cars so even if i didnt ignore it i dont know where to look or what im looking for ...... gah so it should be fun in the morning trying to figure out myself whats wrong with my car ........ This is where the problem lies when you live in a house of 3 women and im the one that everyone calls to fix stuff . So tomorrow morning i have to play mechanic which trust me is not going to go well . i need the little help ball and i want to push the button !!

Pillows !...

Okay so i have to start this blog with a little backround info just so you understand where im coming from . lol . I have a twin day bed and for some reason i have 3 body pillows 4 or 5 normal pillows and 1 throw pillow . Thats a whole ton of pillows and there really is no room to really sleep but its cool i like it ! i love being surrounded by pillows that way i always have something to cuddle with . but anyways so the real story this morning i woke up and some where in the middle of the night i lost my blanket on the floor which is not the weird part but instead of picking up the blanket i covered myself in pillows .... hmm lol i woke up this morning and all the normal pillows were strategicly placed to cover me like a blanket . This was just so weird and yet so funny to me all at the same time !

Yummm Choco Milk

So today was pretty much a whole day of nothing and im not sure how i feel about it . i woke up read some eclipse played wii went to breakfast with desi came home read some eclipse played wii read some eclipse fell asleep . went to the lockers come home facebook .

So i love having time to myself cause i have so much stuff that i could be doing yet i hate being by myself . lol if that makes sense.

So whenever i have a lot of time to myself i tend to over think. i always find myself pondering on a question all day lol and here was todays question ....
Do you ever find yourself over reacting because your afraid of repeating the past ? and yet you feel like you may have found your self doing it again ... ? hmm .

Side note - i just had a delicious glass of milk just how i like it . mostly milk with a little bit of chocolate . just enought to barley change the color.

Grandma's

So desi just text me to tell me that her grandma locked her as in desis keys in desi's car . and of course i find it funny and i told her that one day shes gonna be just like her grandma and then we joked for a little bit and then said that one day we both maybe just like our grandmas. lol which means for me i have to loose 10 inches of height . lol but really i may be okay with that . my grandma is 68 and mostly healthy with a boyfriend and a social life ( lol and she gets awsome voice mails) and spends lots of time at church ! . She seems so happy most of the time . I think i would be cool with that . well minus the whole i hope my husband is still alive but the point is that even though my grandma is a little crazy and talks a lot and forgets things alot and asks me the same questions like 5 times in a row . she is a pretty sweet grandma and i love her . Id be cool with being like her when im older . lol

: ))

I feel like i have a lot i want to say and i hope i word it all right . lol

So i feel like prom was a success . no there wasn't a lot of dancing but im cool with that . Some people danced more than others but over all it was super fun ! I love dressing up so when i got to wear my dress ... i was so happy !! It was also a late night which is very fun also. i love staying up late. Though i was kinda sad that i had to get up at 9 to clean everything up and have bay back to the church before i had to work at 12.

So work ... I really have to say im so lucky to have found the perfect job at 19. I am so blessed. I work with wonder women !! and love my job even if i complain sometimes. Tonight was fun . There was like a party of like 15 - 20 8th grade girls and they were all getting there fingers and toes polished and one of our nail techs didnt show up and they didnt really have it organized to who was going where and with who so it was like every nail tech for them selves and we just jumped in and tried to do them all as fast as we could and i was at work till like a quarter till 10 . which really isnt that late but usually im out like a 8: 30 . Though it was amusing to listen to little jr high drama and crushes . lol so cute .

So i bought daves wii !! Now i just need to find sometime to play it. I havent really had a free moment since i bought it that i have felt like playing. :/ I think tomorrow is gonna be that day though !! Weither i play by mylsef or with someone im gonna be playing wii and reading twilight and i may throw in a few magic games and a little facebook time . Sounds like a good day off to me ! The fun part will be trying to figure all the little things about the wii i dont know . Like locker came over for a little bit tonight and told me i could get internet on the wii and then something about updates . but im not really sure if it went threw or how to really do all that . lol im sure ill figure it out someday.

So im pretty excited for camp !! I cant wait to just spend a week with all my friends and just chill. shane called me this morning to work a few days with him next week . so that should be fun !! I kinda wish i had some that would go to camp with me to work ! that would make for better car rides . not that 45 min . is long it just would be FUNNER ! lol if someone was with me . Its not that fun to eat farmer bills by yourself ...

So to end this blog i wrote a little something something at work today ...


If i keep staring
will something change
or as time goes on
Will it all be the same

If i blink
or just stop to look at the ground
When i look up
Will something new be around

Time is my friend
And yet not all the same
what do you do
When time plays its games .


Like i said just a little something something . what do you think ??

Im Fragile

Today was an okay day . My left shoulder hurts so bad and its not bruised on the outside but i feel like its coming and you can feel where is swollen if you feel the left and the right you can tell the difference. So working today was really lame . It hurts whenever someone touches it . Im kinda hoping it doesnt turn black and blue cause that would be my luck . i get bruised easily and summer is here and i will have this bruise for like a month .

Tonight i watched Marley and Me with Jenn and Eric . We had pepperoni rolls and guacomole . lol im getting so good at this cooking thing . i love it !!

Well i hope tomorrow goes smoothly . i have the plan of attack set up but im sure there will be a bump in the road . but i have an amazing team ! so far its bailey debbie desi travis and kyle . maybe josh too . the goal is to be done and have my hair ready by 4 30 for the soft ball game . well see if that happens .

Another Day

Happy B-day Bailey !

So i almost slept threw work today . i set my alarm for 9 and turned it off then fell asleep and woke up just in time i had ten min to change and leave for work . Work was okay . nothing to exciting . Then bays b-day bonfire . so much fun . Nothing better than a smore and skywalking ! lol .

Well i got to go to be cause 8 am is gonna come faster than i want it to .

Fabulous !!

Today was a good day . spent some quality time with some friends it was awsome . then swing dancing and now home to chill and read then sleep . I didnt get anything i needed to get done today but it was great anyways . i seem to never have days where i just chill on a couch all day and just talk and relax. and i must say today was fabulous !!

Team Edward !

Woot ! im so excited that eclipse is getting so good ! i read 4 chapters and didnt fall asleep !



TEAM EDWARD !!!

H2O

Today was a good day . i worked 12 - 9 and this morning desi and i did pilates. I also got threw the boring part of eclipse and am pumped to read a ton tonight and hopefully not fall asleep. I have a super busy day tomorrow . except for a few hours . im pretty pumped to get my hair cut !! thinking about getting it shaved ! lol jk . never ! i would cry . i dont think you could pay me to shave it .... well maybe cause i could always buy a really sweet wig . but you would have to pay me a ton. Then i have calling hours to go to and then a soft ball game and then swing danceing with bailey later . WOOT . should be a mostly fun day . I also need to still get stuff for prom . like water and stuff for smores . but i dont want to go by myself . i may see if bay and i have time to go inbetween the soft ball game and swing dancing or i may see if i can convince someone to come with me after my hair cut . i just dont want to carry all that water and stuff by myself.

Good Times

Movie night was fun ! lol we watched Veggie Tales and Beauty and the Beast . not really sure how those got choosen but they were enjoyed ! . lol well here goes to a late night wal mart run ! LOVE EM !!

Laughter is the KEY !

So today is the last day off in a row . kinda sad but im ready to go back to work . i kinda actually miss it . i feel like i have way to much free time. Today so far was a random day . This morning with some not so great news and then went on a walk with desi then played some magic . and later tonight i hopeing for a movie night . I sent out all the invites and now im just waiting to see who all is coming and then the big question will be what movie do we watch. Well ill have to tell you later how it goes .



So i really think today is it . Today i feel like its really over and im okay . Some of me feels like i owe john reed like a hundred hours of his life back from talking me threw everything over the last few months. but i dont know where i would be with out him . I thank God everyday for putting people in my life that have helped me grow so much even some people that may not realize it .

Ive been talking to a few random people today about just how i have been feeling and what im thinking . Sometimes i feel like im getting no where and my life is such a stand still but i need to grow more towards Christ . i have fallen so far and feel so lost sometimes cause i feel like i should know way more than i do . I want to have my own opinnions and actually know why i have them and not just form from everyone elses. So i guess i need to find a me . lol i need to decide who i am . I mean i love being me and ill never change that . ill always laugh way to loud even in public . Ill always be trying to make plans with people . and have a ton of friends. I will always seem to find some reason to why i should buy more shoes and i will always enjoy playing video games and magic. I cant help those things . but i need to be able to defend myself in the real world .

well good bye for now . i may try to read some more twilight and not fall asleep on my book .

Bike Ride

So today was fun . was on praise team with debbie and locker ! woot . it was awsome . then got free pizza at a meeting . would have been better if it were just the pizza and no meeting . lol Then went on a bike ride with bailey and debbie . well actually when i first got to debbies we all took a nap on her bed . lol then we went on a bike ride. btw i love john reeds bike . its so much better than mine . We rode to the cemetary .... Cemetaries can be fun to look at all the things nice/awsome/ funny things people write but then other times its just really sad. or well it makes me think a lot . It makes me wonder why someone else had to die and not me . im not saying i want to die or anything i love life . but i sometimes feel like i dont have that much to offer so why do i get to live a longer life than someone else ... ?? Also i start to thinking about how blessed i really am . Sometimes i feel like the stuff i am going threw is so big and all but really its not . I mean my life hasnt been perfect and its been a rollercoaster but whose hasnt . We all have our pasts and everyone seems to have their family issues but thats just life . I am so lucky with what i have that i should never complain . I mean come on i have a place to live . a job that i love ! and work with some awsome ladies !! and i have the worlds best friends !!

Well so there was my little brain ponder for the day . im not sure that it all came out how i wanted it to cause when i start typeing i tend to ramble . lol well here goes to another night of trying to catch up in eclipse.

I love pepperoni rolls!

Good bye to another sat . lol the normal 9 - 5 nothing to exciting . then came home and made pepperoni rolls with dave . they turned out fabulous!! woot . then watched transformers and finished x-men 2. I have watched a lot of super hero adventure ish movies latley . i think i may need a slight break. but they have all been really good. well i think im heading to bed soon though i need to really catch up on some eclipse .

So good night to another fabulous day !

List of things that i want to do !

So i have been thinking about all the things i have never done and i need to get on it so im starting a list .

* I want to ride one of those two people bikes
*Swim behind a huge waterfall
*See the Eiffel Tower
*See the leaning tower of Pisa & get the pic that looks like im holding it up
*I want to see the ...
* grand canyon
*Niagara Falls
*All 4 oceans
*The great lakes
*The Hollywood sign
*Hollywood Blvd.
*Graceland
* I want to walk the great wall of china
*I want to go to Disney Land {x} and World
*I want to go on a disney cruise
*I want to go the San Diego Zoo Pittsburgh {x} Cleavland Columbus Cincinnati
*I want to meet Sugarland Taylor Swift Superchick
*Ride a gondola
* Drive from east to west across the US
*I want to go to Hersey park
*I want to go to Gettysburg
*I want to go to D.C
*I want to go to every state.
*Go on a carriage ride threw central park {x}

Im sure there are things im forgetting or will want to do so the list may grow ! but hopefully get more x's

So that was fun . desi comes home and says shes going to the er cause something is wrong with her elbow and her doctor said she needed to get it x -rayed. so i went with her . She is fine she just needs to take something that i cant remeber what they said lol and then we went to taco bell . lol got to love a late taco bell run. now im going to bed before anything else random happens lol

Summary

Today was fun ! went to the zoo and had a blast then came home uploaded pics. then ran to wal mart and found a sweet card for Jenn cause its her birthday and then went to the lockers and hung there till about 10 30 or so . Now im home and debating watching a movie or maybe waiting till tom. hmmm maybe ill just read some eclipse then hit the hay .

Tomorrow should be such an easy day . I have to work at 12 and i get off at 630 though im gonna try to get off a little earlier so i can make it to dinner at church . then actual church and then praise team practice . then maybe watching a movie . ( i borrowed spiderman 3 transformer and x men 2 )

Pointless ...

So this morning i had to go to a stupid class that i didnt really want to take to find when i got there only one other girl showed up .... gahh. so the class lasted a total of 20 min. and then i came back home . what also makes this ever more kinda sad is that kathy asked me this morning if i could be her facial model ( cause at first i thought the class was canceled and no one told me cause the educator wasnt there ) but i couldnt cause of this 20 min class !!! lame . lol well here goes to doing nothing for like 2 hours then working .

Gods Day

Today was fun gotta love sundays ! church then hanging at my house then the softball game ! woot FCC !!! then went on a walk then small group then home . probably just gonna read some more eclipse and head to bed . yay to a 12 hour work day tom.... NOT lol

HMmmmm

Work was kinda crazy today 3 weddings and proms ! but some how i got out two hours early !! woot . im not complaining i got to go to beths grad party a little earlier . it was fun to just sit and chill and not be the one running around trying to get everything done . I cant wait to wear my new dress tomorrow . lol its really not that big a of a deal but im excited . now the big question is what shoes will i wear with it ??? hmm well i have it narrowed down to two pairs. both have there pros and cons

Theres no place like home ( repeat 2 times )

woot to pilates this morning !! feel the burn . So i was looking at my new pics with desi and then we started looking at old pics and i started missing my old house . only slightly . lol i kinda miss being in a house with my bro .... though as i start thinking about it more i love where i am at . Though im looking foward to having a place of my own some day. Sometimes i feel like where i live is just a house that i come and go from . i miss living in a home . if that makes any sense. well i got to go to work . text me !

Woot

I love my days off !! even when i dont make plans some how my whole day gets filled with them . woot. this morning i did pilates! i love working out ! and then went shopping and i bought this really cute dress im gonna wear to church on sunday ! then cme home and watched like 3 episodes of lost and i only have to watch the second half of the season finale which im probably gonna watch after i finish this . then i went bowling with some peeps and then ate at taco bell . then here i am on my computer . lol . i did read some more eclipse but not to much . ill probably read a few more pages before bed . woot .

My LIST

So i have been pondering on the list of animals that i really want to see at the zoo and i have come up with these

Hippopotamus
Of course the monkeys !
Koala bear
penguins
giraffe and
the elephants .

Lol if i see all of those ill be excited. though im already excited so i guess i dont have to see them to be excited but i will be extra pupmed lol .

Just another day

So today i went into work early . cause last night they asked me to come in and hour and 15 mins early which really i dont care but was kinda mad that when i got there the lady had already canceled and no one had called me to tell me . i did get a pedicure put in that ladys place but i wanted to do pilates before work and i woke up to late to do it . so sad. but besides that work went well . really busy . i cant wait to get paid this wed. we have been so busy latley i think this wed is gonna be my first summer pay check !! woot !! Then i went to the lockers to print out the form for faculty for eco !! it was suppose to be sent in by may 1st but i kinda missed that date . then came home and just did pilates with desi . now im watching lost cause i have a few episodes to catch up on . then pilates in the morning with desi and maybe maria . lol well see if she shows up at 9 am . and then shopping !

Random

so im not totally thrilled with the purple highlights so today i washed my hair with hair detoxifier from casals 3 time !! lol . this stuff is suppose to totally strip your hair of color ! and it kinda worked . its still kinda there but not as much . someone also told me that if you wash your hair with dawn soap that highlights will come out. so thats my plan for tomorrow. and i think after i get all this color out of my hair im gonna let my natural hair do its thing. i need to stop damaging my hair before i have to get it all cut ..... tear **

Im so excited about my new purse though ! holly bought me a purse in NYC and its super cute !

I cant wait to go to the ZOO !. Kathy from work went to the columbus zoo . so jealous ! lol . and im pumped about prom . i tried my dress on . still fits !!

I think im gonna read some more eclipse and then go to bed . desi and i are gonna work out in the morning ! woot.

So today was the first time this year that i took a nap in the middle of the day ! that made me really happy just to chill and sleep on a really comfy couch ! Then i read some eclipse and watched the first x - men movie and then went out with aaron maria and the lockers and saw the new movie . which was pretty sweet. then we came back to my house and ate ice cream !! and i split my pepperoni roll that was delicious with them . but the real question is where did i get it from . i dont know . lol . the ladys from work ordered it and gave it to me and it was so good . but i dont know where its from . So eric locker has me on a mission to figure out where the mystery roll came from .

Well besides that i think im just gonna flip threw some girly magazines and read some more eclipse or maybe just go to bed . I cant stop thinking about things and cant wait for friday !! woot !! im excited for this weekend to get here !

Wow .... so this morning i went to church with my mom. It was nice to be in church with her . but gcc is just so big lol . i mean i like it but i dont . i am a fan of churchs that are like 200 people . i like the happy medium church. but anyways . then i went to phillips with my grandma .... its so crazy how not real it feels and its probably just to me that it feels that way but i just felt so strange. and i felt like i was not welcomed at all . For my home church that i grew up in it did not feel like home at all . I find myself so sad and lost there .   So now im at aarons lol church at FCC starts in 9 mins . and he just now is getting ready .we will probably be late but i cant miss church there because thats where i feel GOD! . i am so happy that i have found a church that i feel so welcomed and feel like GOD is so close !! l love it there so much . well gtg . hopefully were not to late .  LATER !!

NEW HAIR !

well today was a crazy day at work but i had some really good times on services ! which is super exciting for me !! then holly popp came over and i did a fabulous set of nails on her and then she highlighted my hair and toned it PURPLE ! woot to purple highlights !! . Its kinda late and i have to be up for church in the morning! lol tomorrow / today should be fun . church at 8 with my mom then 10 with my gma and 11 at my church . Hopefully everything goes as planned . and i cant wait till the morning to see how my hair looks straightned and completly dry !

KABOOM ! .... Maybe

Well today was another day . not to shabby. woke up this morning 15 min before my alarm . just like aways . which this actually starting to get annyoning but any way then i was just chilling cleaned my room a little. just putting everything in its place. left for work early cause it was PAY DAY ! then went to work. my day was full with only two 15 min spots !!!! which is awsome for the next pay !! . Though one of my regular clients canceled a mani pedi which means i had an hour and a half to waste so i went and got chipotle. LOVE IT! Then 8:45 i left casals drove home and chilled on my computer did my nails read some eclipse. Desi came home and we started talking about i have no clue what lol . its always so random. then the water heater tank thingy ( you can tell im not really sure what im talking about ) started making this really high pitch noise and i told my grandma but she was like half sleeping and told me that she remembered it doing that one time before and it may be from us using to much hot water or that its going to blow up . lol i like the first option better . she also said that desi and i should sleep upstairs just incase in blows up . So desi and i waited it out for awhile to see if it would stop. I made some sweet oreo pudding !! woot and then like an hour later the noise stopped. and we decided were sleeping downstairs in our rooms . so hopefully nothing blows up . first i dont want to die or get stuck in this basement . SO im not really tired but not really feeling like reading anymore so i think im just gonna go to bed . SWEET DREAMS EVERYONE !

Random ... maybe unfinished

Are my dreams to big
Should i lower them down
If i jump for the stars
Will i land both feet on the ground

If i fall on the way
Will you help me to stand
Can you help me up
Will you extend your hand

***********

There are check points in life
I just dont want to miss
Would you go out of your way
Go with me take a risk

Im happy where i am
Though my smile could get bigger
I have an idea of what might do it
but who knows what will make it trigger

**********************



Just started jotting some stuff down today as it came to me . not sure if there done . or if i may put them together or leave them two poems. maybe ill add on . not sure . what you think ??