It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don’t say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Old mr. webster could never define
What’s being said between your heart and mine

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all 






This song is how i feel right now :) minus the extreme pain in my stomach :(




So many people saying just be careful and take your time. well okay i understand. Im not planning on rushing anything but i like where were at. I just wanna keep moving foward I dont wanna go back. Im willing to take this risk. I really believe him and i totally trust he is not lieing. I trust that he means what he says i believe he doesnt ever wanna hurt me or leave me but there is a small piece of me with my guard up . Its not just his fault either so it may take some time to fully break that wall down. SO i trust and fear at the same time . its possible right. I praying cause God knows whats best. I wanna start to try again. the smile on your face lets me know that you need me theres a truth in your eyes sayin youll never leave me and a touch of your hand says youll catch me if ever i fall.

This blog will probably more than likely be edited after time and some more thought

Its easy to get caught up in the world. Some things are just super fun but if those things are taking away from things that are more important are they worth it? With a simple question ... are they worth it ? We start to try to justify it. Some people could talk themselves into doing almost anything. Well its just once or so and so did it and no one said anything to them. The excuses or reasons that we settle for to justify things can be completely ridiculous but if you want to do something enough you'll settle. Its something that people who claim to be Christians do alllll the time. Is it fair to justify our actions with... the bible was written a long time ago and things are different now. No! We don't get to change what God says is okay and not okay because things of the world have changed. 

Im no where near finished blogging about this but its late and i have class in the am. Stay Tuned :)

Ive started reading Emma by Jane Austen. Yea thats it for right now.

You wanna know whats on my mind. The inside scoop ? Well its simple.

Im trying to grow closer to God everyday and lindsay and i are reminding each other daily to read our bibles.

Im working out all the time to loose weight.

I will be not working as many midnights in a few weeks which makes me super pumped.

Im really excited to sleep during the night. 

Im going to school and need to spend more time with my head in the books.

And i have one eye creeping on some peeps...potential idk... lets be friends first :)

Yea so thats it. Faith.Money.Rest.Education.Love

Sometimes it just feels like to much

I've always been the girl running around doing a million things at once. This past week i felt on top of my game. I had what i felt like everything done that needed to be and i had a social life. Till i put off oceanography and had a pop quiz ... go figure. Well thats life right? As soon as you have it all figured out something new is thrown at you.

Love is a mystery.

Money is a waste.

Life is a game.

Im not settling for second place. ( except in magic )

Jump for the moon and you may land among the stars

Everything in life has its positives and negatives. We all have our ups and downs. Its finding the things that bring more positive than negative that separates the likes from dislikes. The darkness scares me i hate to be alone in the dark. Its cold, lonely, and scary. None of which i like to feel however i love the stars. I like the quiet of the night. Both of which are worth the dislikes sometimes.


All people have their reasons for the actions or feelings or choices they make. Not everyone will understand or even agree to what you have done but in the end even if someone else convinces you other wise you will probably fall back to the way you feel.


Im finding out more every day that somethings are just hard to explain. I cant truly tell you enough so you know how i feel with out it sounding childish or even slightly stupid but to me its not. My reasons are justified and completely understandable.

Lately I've been searching for my escape. Feeling like i just want to go somewhere else. Indiana, Wooster, NYC, Nashville... somewhere.  How it is now ... is it gonna stay like this ?? I want things to change but that may be very selfish of me.

Going to sleep. another positive thing about darkness... dreams... negitive ... night mares... dreams are worth the chance !

Fall :)

Fall is by far my favorite season. Well maybe Spring idk they are like the same... kinda.

Its time to get serious about working out and loosing weight cause its only gonna get harder the colder it gets and   the holidays only bring more and more food ;)

Another adventure :)

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting,challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.   - Carrie




I love this quote and not only the quote but i want to be the next Carrie Bradshaw just maybe  with a little more Christian morals. lol ;) So step one move to NYC ... Lindsay and I were talking about this tonight. The goal is set for next summer. Lindsay and i are going to move the big apple well maybe right outside the big apple and find a place we can just rent for three months or so. It would be awesome if i could find an internship while im there and see what being a real journalist is all about. If not though it will be just another crazy summer with a little more independence. Which it in itself is kinda scary and leaves me wondering if this could really happen. could i afford this ?? Could i really just move for 3 months and come back ?? Whats holding me back though?? Well i guess we will have to see when next summer comes. or more like February cause thats when i'll have to start looking for a job and an apartment.... hmmm  yea stay tuned

Round 2 any takers ?

Its crazy how you can debate one decision you make over and over in your head till you have spun so much you wanna hurl. This whole time i could have bet my life on it i knew why it hurt but after some talks and lots of thinking i stand corrected. This summer was way more than i ever expected and now that its over i feel like other things are so close to death. I needed you . Everyone in my summer actually. Im totally convinced that i have been affected by everyone ive grown close to this summer. I also find it hard to believe that you didnt need me too. We needed it each other i guess that was part of the game, living parallel lives for so long then smashing together head on. These last few weeks of my summer have been hard. Ive been faking the smiles and faking the laughs. Ive been faking so long i think i may have lost my loud giggle all together... The reason my stomach turns every time and im paranoid every time we talk is cause im afraid nothing will be the same . You dont need me anymore. I can hear you say this isnt true and if its not ill be excited too. Yea i guess thats it....Hoping things will go back to the way they were before.

I find myself on every occasion that i try to write a blog , never fails, there are always more than one topic i could write on and on and on about. Wonder what my fingers will bring to ponder about. Maybe they will lead to the past , the old days, or maybe the future, and always wondering what will be, or maybe even today. How bout something different.

I always find myself wondering if what i am currently doing is right. Have i made the right choice what if it all goes wrong is it worth the hurt. So instead you choose no. safe answer right ? yea only sometimes cause you realize you picked no but your still not ready to pick yes. Im bigger wonder is why we always want what we dont have and once we have it it doesnt seem to matter.

Poem... emotions written in rhyme

Life can get crazy 

Life can feel so unreal

Going threw time

Nothings a big deal

From one thing to the next 

Tomorrow is yesterdays today

Im looking for a hero

To come walking my way

I want to be rescued 

Maybe swept off my feet

Fly me up to the sky 

But i dont want to look to deep

I may try to run

Its what i always seem to do 

Please grab me 

Dont let me disapear from you too

Life can get crazy 

Life can feel so unreal

Going threw time

Im ready to find my big deal

 

Slow Down

Here i am sitting wondering what should i write about today wondering what in my life is standing out most at this moment. How some people have everything others would die for and they still test the fires to see what else is out there. Or is being the cat lady so bad ? How bout how loneliness can sometimes consume you and make you do the stupidest of things. With all of that running threw my head ( and of course I'm eating two fried eggs easy side up with two pieces of toast butter ) i hear my grandma and bill in the living room reading a devotional magazine and laughing together. How cute and perfect the scenario, almost movie like, Kodak perfect. Two people not perfect but perfect together reading about a God they serve and love dearly. So i guess when my head gets to full of things to write about im just gonna leave it at the simplicity of that. Two people in love always there for each other making each other smile and serving their lord! :)

Watch Out . Im on the prowl boys ;)

Irony ... a little when the one thing you try to avoid swoops into your life at the perfect timing that you've decided to give it a chance. Im not saying i regret it. Im not saying im completely overjoyed with what i did. I can't tell you why my heart took an interest. I broke all the rules to see if it would be better than before... Two lives going in opposite directions some how meeting for a moment. I was hoping to bring you up but you brought me down. Its fine if you want to live your life that way but i want more than that maybe more is a bad choice of words. I want different than that. I felt it , the thought always somewhere in the back of my head, wondering when it was gonna hurt how long will this last. Till one moment it hit me your freaked i cried you said sorry i said okay and we went on again then last night it hit me again. you freaked. i almost shed a tear. I knew it was right this time. How you handled it just adds to why i had to say goodbye.  When you know the person that means the most to you wouldn't approve of someone your trying to make the next most important. Its time to step back and stop justifying cause the longer you wait the longer it may hurt. A piece of me still wishes you could change but its something that really may never be. Im looking ahead. Loving God . My friends and life itself. Still looking for Love. This time hopefully in all the right places.


Stay tuned :)

Were playing life its your turn

Most people say they hate playing games yet here we all are caught up in the game of life. All of us wishing the real world was as easy as Hasbro makes it out to be. There is no obvious stop and pick career or stop and get married. You don't get an extra spin. Every choice comes with a new load of responsibility some are so easily made and others take forever to just step in the door. 

Some moments you feel like you dont care how long it takes and others you wonder how long should you wait here. If things weren't like this they would be different but isn't that obvious. If you change the rules to the game then its not the same game. duhh. 

I cant describe how i feel. I can try to reason why i do. I can try to mentally prepare myself so the hurt wont hurt. What if the hurt never comes? What if this an okay place to be? What if there is something someone better ? Will it be easy to walk away? Will we still be friends? Is this right ? Is the distance to much? Is this all that will happen? Is this what i want?

When thoughts become to much its much easier to sleep.

Fat kids love cake

Feelings are something that for some reason lately i just cant explain. The moment ive decided i feel a certain way something happens that makes me realize i may not feel that way.

Can life just be black and white. Easy as loving cake. please and thank you

Warm weather here and gone.

So here we find ourselves in the middle of the summer . Everyone is over there YAY summers here buzz. We have all moved on to, " Wow is it hot ! " If you haven't started already its to late for your summer fling so sorry but maybe next year. All the holidays are over which means no more extra days off work for all you lucky people who work jobs that have benefits. Thoughts of school are starting to enter all of the students  brains, some excited ( thats me ! ) , some not so much.

Lets stop to update the world on that. So heres the plan. I have been accepted and plan on attending YSU in the fall for Journalism. Im truly thrilled and i cant wait however there may be a giant road block to still over come. Im not sure what is going on with my loans and stuff so i have to figure all that out and then ill be set and ready to attend school :) ! Im excited to have school work. Im excited to get my brain working again. Im excited to meet new people. Im excited to have health insurance. Im excited to have a gym to work out at. Im excited just pure excited !!! Oh i almost forgot .  Im excited to have study dates with friends !!!

So anyways as were half way threw the summer not to many events left. Zoo trip tomorrow <3 animals so i cant wait. Then hopefully the Lot . Visiting the fabulous cousin and some other randoms but thats about all thats left for Summer 2010.

Stay Tunes ;)

As the years pass us by we all make mistakes. We have all had some moment in our lives that was a big " DUMBY ! " I find myself with this one mistake that I can do nothing about but live with it. It never fails either the moment i forget about it the topic is brought back up again. So here i am living with something i wished had never happened.

The other big thing on the brain is love. Its crazy how 4 months can seem so long when really it isnt at all. Some of me finds my self searching and the other half of me is running away.

Well im tired and not feeling like typing . stay tuned

So lost

I cant help to find my self so happy yet feeling like im standing still. Afraid to miss out on something that i should have tried for first but wondering weither im wrong. Whats different now ?? What changed ??

Im demanding what i deserve.

Hello Im 20. I consider myself an adult . Now dont get me wrong i love to have fun. I love to laugh all day. I like sleep overs. I love to color. I will always be that girl that sticks her hands in the mud or gets excited to jump in a water puddle. I would love to play tag and im a huge fan of poking. With all that said i still am an adult. I have been threw i ton in my life. Not very many people know my whole story and im fine with that. I keep it that way cause ill never be the one searching for a pity party. Life happens. Its not easy. I am a firm believer in people choose how they act you may be slightly influenced by your parents or your childhood but you can change that. Be strong stand up. Make the difference.

Anyways I got on about this topic because most recent in my life I have been receiving the up most disrespect from someone who is older and you would assume wiser than I. There is nothing more exciting than being ignored when your calling someone or getting hung up on or being treated like the plague in person and you know what Im sick of it ! What is wrong with society ? People young and old... some just have issues. What happened to talking things out. What happened to caring? 

I find myself to be a very caring person. I always try to help out whenever i can. I normally am stretching myself so thing im exhausted.Well this decsion i made for myself in concern for my own health and happiness . Im sorry if you didnt like it. Please put your big girl pants on and treat people like they deserve to be treated.

screaming in the pillow

When did choices become so hard ? Actually it may not even be that the choices have become harder but the verdict from the choices are more threatening !? As we become adults our choices have greater consequences that not only affect us but everyone around us as well. Talk about pressure. Here i find myself  20 already once feeling like i had accomplished all of life and was ready to move on to the next step then a giant bolder knocked me down and im starting over. Im excited because im ready to be proud of the life im living it will just be a lot of hard work to get there. Im ready to be accomplished ! Im ready to be proud of me !

Though back to that choices thing. They just suck. I find myself never knowing what the right choice is or where im suppose to be going . why did is it so hard to realize whats right and what im suppose to do . What is the right way from here ? when do you sit back and wait and when will waiting be wrong ??

:)

The trip was success :)  So many fun moments ! To many to tell with not enough time or energy to write it. it being 3 am with a lovely sleeping pattern . Super funny :) If you want to know more ask !

/ Silly

Watching ocean 11 . danny says to tes . does he make you laugh. tes responds with . he doesnt make me cry. 

These lines in themselves have to force one to wonder if thats enough. or if its better. 

What do you think is it better to laugh and be hurt or to never laugh at all ???

You wana come ?

Okay so this is gonna be sweet and simple yet full of complexity all at the same time.

Who's right ?

We cant all be? One of us is right and the rest are wrong !

I'm for sure pulling the big religion topic out that your not suppose to talk about at dinner ( i do ) or with clients( i do that too) .

The truth is there is only one God . There is only one way . We all can't be right.

I'm a Christian and God is the most important thing in my life! I believe that God sent his son Jesus Christ to die for my sins ( and yours too ). I believe that one day he will return like a thief in the night and will take his children home.

Which leads to a few more quick points ...

* Are you ready ? If your not you need to hurry up . No one knows when he will return but the consequence for not following is unreal

* And i want to see you there. I wana be in heaven with everyone . I dont want to see anyone suffer.

So thats it for now. Im laying it all on the line. I hope you want to come too

You say i cant have it all. well i already do . love GOD

Caught some where between complete silence and 600 donuts i kept finding myself re-living days of the past in my noggin. Anyone else ever do that ?? The flash back that stood out the most to me was the day i was let go from a previous job. I can still see the whole day happening. I see me waking up completely dead to go to a class that i actually was excited about for once. Everyone that was normally mean was super nice. And then a few moments later it all went down hill. I remember seeing the faces of some dear friends and saying goodbye to that life i had there seemed so difficult. The tears never stopped for weeks and for a while it wasnt me missing the job it was me missing the friends.

Lets be real for a moment . No matter how much you try you can never be as close to people if they are taken out of your life. ( more like riped out ) Its hard to keep finding your self or to try to put yourself someone where that you just never are anymore. I miss the hugs . the laughs. the talks. the cakes. my long mondays with a special someone. and always for some reason or another the talks were always about my crazy life. I love you all !! Im sorry im not around nearly as much as i use to but it just keeps getting harder.

So now i find myself somewhere that... dont get me wrong im so happy with and i love the people in my life but its... just harder. Its crazy how money can make life so easy. It takes all the stress off. Its easier to laugh. Though now that im out of the old life i laugh more. Life just gets difficult and no matter how many good deeds you do some how it still hard. I look at the people who seem to have it so easy and wonder how they even complain. However here i am complaining and could have it a lot harder. 

Phillipians 4:13 - 

I know i can do all things threw christ!! So here i am im taking on the world!!

Lets Sparkle

Today was such a good day. Just me and my girl jenn. We started it off with seeing the sex and the city 2 movie. Well what can i say but fabulous. I wanna be a writer like carrie. I want to have a collum and then write a few books. I want to give words of advice to the world. I want to tell my story. Well anyways Carrie mentioned something that i havent been able to stop thinking about all day. She was worried where the "Sparkle" went in there relationship? No one wants to be that old married couple but yet some couples ( almost all ) sometimes even before there married become that old married couple. It never fails that it starts the arguments and fights after that. Someones unhappy then they forget why they fell in love with the other in the first place. This moment of fighting is the true test of every relationship cause you usually come out soaring or.... crash and burn and there is no easy way out. No matter the relationship someone is hurt or left in a daze after every end. So how do you avoid the loss of sparkle? Do you need to lose it to put your relationship to the test ? And what if there never was a sparkle? Is it okay to love someone that doesnt set your heart on fire ?

Just cause i still think these are kinda fun to waste time

If I looked on the bed next to you, what would I find? Umm there is a bed next to me ??

Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed?Door Closed . always

Are your underwear and socks folded in your drawer or just thrown in? Thrown In 

Sleep on your back or stomach? Stomach

Are you a cuddler? Thats a heck yes

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed? A wii fit. Basket full of movies and two sheep stuft animals. My laptop bag. and two pairs of brown boots

Something that happened today that made you angry? I just woke up so the only thing i wasnt really a fan of was getting up.

What were you doing before this survey? Gazing at the insides of my eyelids

What will you do after the survey? Maybe take a nap. or get some breakfast

Marriage or living together? Marriage

What shirt are you wearing now? a green tank

Do you sing? Love to !

Do you de-label your beer bottles? Thats a nope

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them? I think im a talker

Is there something you regret and wish you could take back? Yea i would but would it change the present ?

First thing you do when you wake up? Pee ! haha 

Ever had surgery? No :)

Last argument you got into with? Probably something with nang though they are never really arguments. there more like your crazy. stop poking me. go to sleep sometime this centery

Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles? Only if there are a ton of people i dont want to drink after around or im super bored.

What's one good thing about your best friend? Umm my best friends have a million things good about them :) <3

How long does it take for you to fall asleep at night? Depends how tired i am 

Current song on myspace? i think its replay ?

When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep? Yea this is actually a problem

If you were given the chance to take care of a monkey for a weekend, would you? haha heck yes !!! monkeys= favorite animal

What is the current advertisement on the side of the screen?none ! woot no ads on blog spot

What are you looking forward to in the next few months? The con and Camp. both = fun + some free weekends off work

It's midnight. Who are you texting? 80 % of the time ... NANG

It's Wednesday afternoon, where are you usually? where ever i want to be 

Honestly, if you could have ANYONE in the world, who would it be? you

Your Christmas list consists of? Nothing unless someone wants to pay for my italy trip ;)

You're going to New York for school shopping, where do you go first? China town or Battery Park

You need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go to first? New York and Company or Target

How do you feel about your hair? <3 Holly Popp

What movie is in your DVD player? Sex and the City 

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move? Nashville Tennessee

How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl? Not at all. Though there needs to be some kind of physical attraction

What's the greatest thing that happened to you today? Stay Tuned

How many TRUE best friends do you have? 3

What would you change about your life right now? Nothing. Things are no where near perfect and somethings may be really hard but im where i am for a reason.

What’s the best feeling in the world? LOVE :)

Never any sad faces

My friends fuel my life. I could never imagine a single day with out them. My friends poke fun at me for being attached to my phone however what they are lacking to realize is that they are the reason i am. i love my friends , every last one of them. The best part of having a million best friends is that they are all so completly different. And they all fit in there own special place in my heart. Some take a bigger piece than other. Some pieces are strangly shaped but the most important factor is that every piece fits perfect with one another to complete the me that i am.

Just want to thank all my friends for Rocking my Socks Off!!

People come into our lives for a reason.

(Elphaba):
I'm limited
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...

(Glinda):
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba):
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

(Glinda):
Because I knew you

(Both):
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba):
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

(Glinda):
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

(Both):
And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda):
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

(Elphaba):
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

(Both):
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

(Glinda):
And because I knew you...

(Elphaba):
Because I knew you...

(Both):
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good...

A few poems i wrote the other night :)

Here I stand 
And there you are
The closer I walk 
I just want to step far


My heart gets all nervous
I don’t think this is real
Its hard to say no
When yes is so easy to feel


I want to be there
But somethings holding me back
Is there someone out there
I will want to love back








You left a print in my life
You hold a spot in my heart
I hope we journey together
Though our paths may part


We’ve lost gallons of water
And laughed till it hurt
Lifes not an easy hourney 
But it could always be worse


Our jobs may pull us apart
Our lives may take a new start 
BFF’s till the end
Especially with God and WOW in our hearts.

Only one way from here

Choices. These are the things we are faced with everyday. Every morning the alarm goes off and you start your day with choice snooze or alarm off. Some choices may be harder than others some may seem so simple and obvious to make while other can leave you guessing for days. Not every choice is a good one but not every one bad. Some may not seem like the best at first and some may seem like the easy way out. No matter what kind of choice it is we all are making choices every day and with time is the only way to know if it was the best choice or not. But weither it was the best choice or not the choice has been made and there is no going back.

Well congrats to Beth and Jonathan on expecting a new member to their family . 


I cant wait to baby sit :)

Beep Beep Beep Beep

The heart is such a crazy thing... the way it was/ felt years months or even just moments ago can change in an instant. One quick happening in life can throw your emotions in a total roller coaster. Is this normal? Do your feelings of everything and anything can they, are they suppose to just change all the time? 


When it comes to the heart and choosing have you made a list? I feel the easier question would be who hasnt ? And even if you havent physically wrote down this said list you have one. When you look at someone and at first glimps decide yes or no the reasons that sway you one way over the other... Volia you have your list. So is it impossible to find some one with everything on the list? Ive recently been told that it is and that it will never happen. I cant help but wonder why not ? Maybe i already know them but the timing is bad. People change what if the person i know now doesnt have everything on the list ... wait right. give it time and if its meant to be they will have the whole list. I keep finding the problem being my number one thing. The rest could all fall apart and i honestly could care less however what if someone has the rest and not the number one... Its so easy to feel like i should just give in. Though i hate saying give in cause its not like that. though i guess it kinda is.


Then like every romantic chick flick out there. People experience that WOWish moment that they just feel something. Is that real? Cause then there is the whole. they have everything on your list but no WOWish moment. 


Well with these things in mind and love somewhere in the back of my nogin i think im gonna put my heart on cruise.  


                                                      -Stay Tuned


P.S. with the new layouts i havent figured out how to add a comment button but i would still love your opinions comments snide remarks. i want it all. email me or something links off to the left :)