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"You Were Meant For Me"

I hear the clock, it's six a.m.
I feel so far from where I've been
I got my eggs I got my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you.
I break the yolks, make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off the mirror
Don't leave the keys in the door
Never put wet towels on the floor anymore' cause

[Chorus:]
Dreams last so long
even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.

I called my momma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy or I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad 'cause

[Chorus]

I go about my business, I'm doing fine
Besides what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken, everyday.
I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick a book up. Turn the sheets down.
And then I take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause

[Chorus]

Yeah... You were meant for me and I was meant for you. 

Im probably not gonna be good at this....

I dont know if hurt is the right word but there is an emotion. I dont think its pain or anything like that. I think its because im not sure that this is exactly right but i know that the intent behind it is. Im kinda scared maybe nervous or even worried is a better word for where its gonna end and how longs it gonna take. These next two week will be long but should be full of indiana work devotions and catching up on sleep. Then school starts and maybe ill be so distracted i could just push it to the back of my head for a little. Its 2011 and im trying to fully give this year to God but that statement alone is alot harder than i thought it would be. Im really hoping my wants and what God has in store for me this year are the same. Day 1.

It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don’t say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Old mr. webster could never define
What’s being said between your heart and mine

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all 






This song is how i feel right now :) minus the extreme pain in my stomach :(




So many people saying just be careful and take your time. well okay i understand. Im not planning on rushing anything but i like where were at. I just wanna keep moving foward I dont wanna go back. Im willing to take this risk. I really believe him and i totally trust he is not lieing. I trust that he means what he says i believe he doesnt ever wanna hurt me or leave me but there is a small piece of me with my guard up . Its not just his fault either so it may take some time to fully break that wall down. SO i trust and fear at the same time . its possible right. I praying cause God knows whats best. I wanna start to try again. the smile on your face lets me know that you need me theres a truth in your eyes sayin youll never leave me and a touch of your hand says youll catch me if ever i fall.

This blog will probably more than likely be edited after time and some more thought

Its easy to get caught up in the world. Some things are just super fun but if those things are taking away from things that are more important are they worth it? With a simple question ... are they worth it ? We start to try to justify it. Some people could talk themselves into doing almost anything. Well its just once or so and so did it and no one said anything to them. The excuses or reasons that we settle for to justify things can be completely ridiculous but if you want to do something enough you'll settle. Its something that people who claim to be Christians do alllll the time. Is it fair to justify our actions with... the bible was written a long time ago and things are different now. No! We don't get to change what God says is okay and not okay because things of the world have changed. 

Im no where near finished blogging about this but its late and i have class in the am. Stay Tuned :)

Ive started reading Emma by Jane Austen. Yea thats it for right now.

You wanna know whats on my mind. The inside scoop ? Well its simple.

Im trying to grow closer to God everyday and lindsay and i are reminding each other daily to read our bibles.

Im working out all the time to loose weight.

I will be not working as many midnights in a few weeks which makes me super pumped.

Im really excited to sleep during the night. 

Im going to school and need to spend more time with my head in the books.

And i have one eye creeping on some peeps...potential idk... lets be friends first :)

Yea so thats it. Faith.Money.Rest.Education.Love

Sometimes it just feels like to much

I've always been the girl running around doing a million things at once. This past week i felt on top of my game. I had what i felt like everything done that needed to be and i had a social life. Till i put off oceanography and had a pop quiz ... go figure. Well thats life right? As soon as you have it all figured out something new is thrown at you.

Love is a mystery.

Money is a waste.

Life is a game.

Im not settling for second place. ( except in magic )

Jump for the moon and you may land among the stars

Everything in life has its positives and negatives. We all have our ups and downs. Its finding the things that bring more positive than negative that separates the likes from dislikes. The darkness scares me i hate to be alone in the dark. Its cold, lonely, and scary. None of which i like to feel however i love the stars. I like the quiet of the night. Both of which are worth the dislikes sometimes.


All people have their reasons for the actions or feelings or choices they make. Not everyone will understand or even agree to what you have done but in the end even if someone else convinces you other wise you will probably fall back to the way you feel.


Im finding out more every day that somethings are just hard to explain. I cant truly tell you enough so you know how i feel with out it sounding childish or even slightly stupid but to me its not. My reasons are justified and completely understandable.

Lately I've been searching for my escape. Feeling like i just want to go somewhere else. Indiana, Wooster, NYC, Nashville... somewhere.  How it is now ... is it gonna stay like this ?? I want things to change but that may be very selfish of me.

Going to sleep. another positive thing about darkness... dreams... negitive ... night mares... dreams are worth the chance !

Fall :)

Fall is by far my favorite season. Well maybe Spring idk they are like the same... kinda.

Its time to get serious about working out and loosing weight cause its only gonna get harder the colder it gets and   the holidays only bring more and more food ;)

Another adventure :)

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting,challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.   - Carrie




I love this quote and not only the quote but i want to be the next Carrie Bradshaw just maybe  with a little more Christian morals. lol ;) So step one move to NYC ... Lindsay and I were talking about this tonight. The goal is set for next summer. Lindsay and i are going to move the big apple well maybe right outside the big apple and find a place we can just rent for three months or so. It would be awesome if i could find an internship while im there and see what being a real journalist is all about. If not though it will be just another crazy summer with a little more independence. Which it in itself is kinda scary and leaves me wondering if this could really happen. could i afford this ?? Could i really just move for 3 months and come back ?? Whats holding me back though?? Well i guess we will have to see when next summer comes. or more like February cause thats when i'll have to start looking for a job and an apartment.... hmmm  yea stay tuned

Round 2 any takers ?

Its crazy how you can debate one decision you make over and over in your head till you have spun so much you wanna hurl. This whole time i could have bet my life on it i knew why it hurt but after some talks and lots of thinking i stand corrected. This summer was way more than i ever expected and now that its over i feel like other things are so close to death. I needed you . Everyone in my summer actually. Im totally convinced that i have been affected by everyone ive grown close to this summer. I also find it hard to believe that you didnt need me too. We needed it each other i guess that was part of the game, living parallel lives for so long then smashing together head on. These last few weeks of my summer have been hard. Ive been faking the smiles and faking the laughs. Ive been faking so long i think i may have lost my loud giggle all together... The reason my stomach turns every time and im paranoid every time we talk is cause im afraid nothing will be the same . You dont need me anymore. I can hear you say this isnt true and if its not ill be excited too. Yea i guess thats it....Hoping things will go back to the way they were before.

I find myself on every occasion that i try to write a blog , never fails, there are always more than one topic i could write on and on and on about. Wonder what my fingers will bring to ponder about. Maybe they will lead to the past , the old days, or maybe the future, and always wondering what will be, or maybe even today. How bout something different.

I always find myself wondering if what i am currently doing is right. Have i made the right choice what if it all goes wrong is it worth the hurt. So instead you choose no. safe answer right ? yea only sometimes cause you realize you picked no but your still not ready to pick yes. Im bigger wonder is why we always want what we dont have and once we have it it doesnt seem to matter.

Poem... emotions written in rhyme

Life can get crazy 

Life can feel so unreal

Going threw time

Nothings a big deal

From one thing to the next 

Tomorrow is yesterdays today

Im looking for a hero

To come walking my way

I want to be rescued 

Maybe swept off my feet

Fly me up to the sky 

But i dont want to look to deep

I may try to run

Its what i always seem to do 

Please grab me 

Dont let me disapear from you too

Life can get crazy 

Life can feel so unreal

Going threw time

Im ready to find my big deal

 

Slow Down

Here i am sitting wondering what should i write about today wondering what in my life is standing out most at this moment. How some people have everything others would die for and they still test the fires to see what else is out there. Or is being the cat lady so bad ? How bout how loneliness can sometimes consume you and make you do the stupidest of things. With all of that running threw my head ( and of course I'm eating two fried eggs easy side up with two pieces of toast butter ) i hear my grandma and bill in the living room reading a devotional magazine and laughing together. How cute and perfect the scenario, almost movie like, Kodak perfect. Two people not perfect but perfect together reading about a God they serve and love dearly. So i guess when my head gets to full of things to write about im just gonna leave it at the simplicity of that. Two people in love always there for each other making each other smile and serving their lord! :)

Watch Out . Im on the prowl boys ;)

Irony ... a little when the one thing you try to avoid swoops into your life at the perfect timing that you've decided to give it a chance. Im not saying i regret it. Im not saying im completely overjoyed with what i did. I can't tell you why my heart took an interest. I broke all the rules to see if it would be better than before... Two lives going in opposite directions some how meeting for a moment. I was hoping to bring you up but you brought me down. Its fine if you want to live your life that way but i want more than that maybe more is a bad choice of words. I want different than that. I felt it , the thought always somewhere in the back of my head, wondering when it was gonna hurt how long will this last. Till one moment it hit me your freaked i cried you said sorry i said okay and we went on again then last night it hit me again. you freaked. i almost shed a tear. I knew it was right this time. How you handled it just adds to why i had to say goodbye.  When you know the person that means the most to you wouldn't approve of someone your trying to make the next most important. Its time to step back and stop justifying cause the longer you wait the longer it may hurt. A piece of me still wishes you could change but its something that really may never be. Im looking ahead. Loving God . My friends and life itself. Still looking for Love. This time hopefully in all the right places.


Stay tuned :)